Lines that Rhyme

Sometimes I try to have flow…

A Poem for All My Friends Still in Grad School

This one goes out to all the friends

Who feel like their time in school will never end

This one goes out to all the fighters

Who still find themselves pulling weekly all-nighters

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I know things are hectic and tiring and crazy

I know weekdays are long and weeknights are hazy

The end seems close, but not close enough

And the days until then look chaotic and rough

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But one day all of this will finally be over

And all this hard work will payoff and spillover

You’ll be out there in the world, changing it for the better

With a degree in your hand you’ll be running, unfettered

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So hold on today, and hang tight tomorrow

You will cross that finish line, and you will feel your light glow

The hard work won’t be over, new adventures will find you

But the highs and lows of this one will all be behind you

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Until then, YOU CAN DO THIS

YOU CAN DO THIS, YOU CAN DO THIS

Does “this” rhyme with “this”? I don’t know, but YOU CAN DO THIS

An Ode to My Tax Refund

It’s that time of year

Not the time with Christmas cheer

No, the time we usually all dread and fear

But one silver lining

One diamond worth mining

Is the check in your mailbox you just might be finding

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It’ll say, “hi, how are you you?”

And you’ll say, “better now

It’ll say, “how you gonna spend me?”

And you’ll say, “Oh, I’ll tell you how.”

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I’m going to go shopping,

Maybe for clothes, but mostly food

I’m going to fill my damn cupboards with anything that can be chewed

I’ll pull out all the recipes I put on hold for my budget

And in regards to my healthy diet, I’ll make room to fudge-it.

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I’ll probably get a haircut WITH a shampoo

And when they ask if I want a blow dry, I’ll say, “throw that in too.”

I’ll take myself out to dinner and order dessert

I’ll tip the waiter so nicely he’ll think I’m a flirt

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I’ll probably buy myself some books and see a few movies

I’ll buy a new pair of shoes I think are pretty groovy

I’ll go out with my friends and buy them all a drink

Then I’ll get home a little tipsy and lay down and think…

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I should probably save this

And then I probably will

I could probably spend a little

But should be cautious still

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I’ll stress and I’ll mull and I’ll undoubtedly overthink

I’ll make lists and run figures and I’ll pour myself a drink

Then I’ll make some room here and make some room there

Save some, spend some, and hopefully have some to spare

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I’m not saying I’m right, I’m not saying I’m wrong

I’m not saying you should listen or sing my same song

I’m just saying we need balance and a probably a little discipline

We can be frivolous and smart and order takeout Italian

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So here’s to you refund, I can’t wait to meet you

I can’t wait to shop you and save you and eat you

We’ll have some good times, I can promise you that

First order of business: raising the thermostat.

A Literally Sick Rap Song (feat. Tupac & Dr. Dre)

So I’ve been sick the last couple days and have been a riot for company. Honestly I don’t know how my sister has handled all of my sitting and snotting and groaning. WHAT FUN.

That being said, in the moments when I’ve felt a little better, I made something possibly offensive and undoubtedly stupid in order to take my mind off of how utterly pathetic I am. Please accept my apology on both offenses early, because once you go beyond this point, things get weird.

Right, well, you’ve been warned.

As you can tell by the title, I’ve written a rap song or, more accurately, I’ve remixed a very popular Rap/Hip Hop song to fit my current situation. And while I can only hope that it leaves you in a peculiar state of confused awe rather than silent disgust, I make no promises.

So, without further adieu, let me present to you “Day&Nyquil Love”, the sick (pun intended) remix of Tupac’s Grammy nominated single, “California Love”.

*Cue music*
*Cue autotuned mic*

Day&Nyquil Looooove

Bright orange DayQuil…makes me less snotty
And dark green NyQuil…helps me get groggy

I feel shitaaayy, I have all day
I feel shitaaayy and sneeze a lot
I feel shitaaayy and keep on coughin’
I keep on coughin’, I keep on coughin’

Now let me welcome everybody to my comfy beige, couch
Where I spent all day freezin’, sneezin, crouched in a slouch
I got snot in my nose, I got snot in my chest
As far as popping decongestants yeah I’m one of the best
I’m in this white square house, where the sun can’t get me
Cuz my body temp’s already an alarming de-gree
And my sister keep on asking if I’m fine and dandy
Offering water and food, whatever I need handy
I been on this couch for 5 hours watchin’ reruns
I’m talking Friends’ early seasons
Now it’s 12:05 got a movie to watch me
Nose like Rudolph, tissues stacked high like Rockies
It’s allllll good, I got DayQuil on the way
That big ole pill’s the bomb, it’s about to make my day
So’s this episode of Chopped Food Network’s bout to play
Say it’s a marathon, don’t mind if I may

Bright orange DayQuil…makes me less snotty
And dark blue NyQuil..helps me get groggy
I feel shitaaayy I have all day
I feel shitaaayy I got snot
I feel shitaaayy and I keep coughin’
I keep on coughin, I keep on coughin’…..
*Mic drop*

If I were more daring and delirious, I would have made it into a YouTube video, but I’ve been running a consistent fever and wouldn’t want it to go viral. (HEYOOOO)

I Spent 48 hours in Hawaii, and then I Made it Rhyme.

Woke up at 6 am and ate bowl of cheerios

Hopped on a plane next to a baby that was full of tear-ios

Slept and read and slept and read and watched an on flight film

Slept and read and slept and read and wondered how long until

We landed on the big island and the sun was blazing hot

Got picked up by our bearded friend waving from his parking spot

He drove us to a Pokei shack where I chickened out and bought pork

Ate it atop a concrete wall at the beach and dropped my fork.

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Hopped into my swimsuit and stepped into the warm water

Waded past a sea turtle who wouldn’t dare be bothered

By the unsteady feet of me stepping into the tide

Adorned in a scuba mask, with a nasal tone I couldn’t hide

We swam and swam and ooohed and ahhed at the fish that freckled sea floor

We dodged sea urchins and kept our legs workin’ over coral and back to the sea shore

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Windows down and breeze strong, we drove to a secret spot

Where we camped on the sand, listening to the band of birds and bugs on the lot

Then the sun set and rose, and I sat with sandy toes hoping to catch glimpse of a dolphin

Hoping they’d stroll up to the sand and I’d say something grand like “Hey Flipper, come here often?”

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Our next stop was South Point, and boy what a breezy joint, a cliff not for the squirrelly.

The Southernmost tip of the United States, offering an ocean jump that was surly

Then there was a bakery whose bread was unmistakably the best carbs you’ll ever consume

I devoured a pastry and a chicken sandwich on our way to watch Kilauea plume.

We went to Jaggar Museum and walked through the volcano tubes

Hiked through the forest and across a crater reminiscent of the moon

When the sun went down the breeze picked up and temperatures got low

We bundled up as we walked back to Jagger to watch Kilauea’s plume glow.

Then with a few hours til midnight we thought a burger and fries might tide us over til morning

We drove to a waterfall that stood 80ft tall, beautiful even in the dark evening

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Then we crashed into bed but before the pillow caught our head the alarm clock began to shout

2:45 read the clock’s dim light and we were ready for another bout

Of adventure and inspiration that promised shivers and awe

With 30 minutes til sunrise we squinted our tired eyes at the summit of Mauna Kea.

There were oranges and purple and pinks and yellows

There were other groups of freezing, awe stricken Hawaiian fellows.

We snapped photo after photo and crooned wow after wow

Before hopping back in the car realizing it was time to head home now

But not before stopping at one last beach

To lie in the white sand and soak in our final speech

Of Hawaiian culture that surrounded us in the sunlight

Then we boarded our plane, smiles shining for the whole flight.

A Lactose Free Poem for Your Birthday.

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Today is my sister’s birthday

And as a result, the poems be flowin’.

This one is for you Shortstack.

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Natalee my Natalee,

I hope you like this rhyme from me

You’re used to them by now I’d think

So enjoy this one and down a drink

Not too many though because I don’t like barf

I’d loathe that barf like you love a good scarf

Which is why we have 57 in our closet

Okay not really, 58 if I’m honest.

Sometimes I think about burning them all

But don’t worry I’ll at least hold out until fall

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Today is a day when we celebrate you

A day that I’ve celebrated since I was two

That year was rough, when you arrived on the scene

Before that there was just brown hair, brown eyes, just me.

But I suppose you ended up being pretty cool, slightly valuable

Beautiful actually, smart, compassionate and admirable

One of the only people in the world to always make me happy

And to infuriate me to no end when we’re feeling cross and sassy.

But that’s a rarity now since we’re both essentially flawless

Always wondrous, always mature, never strange, unintelligible and lawless.

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You’ve listened to every song that I’ve wrote about our dog

And every whiny jingle on why I won’t go for a jog

You listen to the sighs, the cries and the rants,

You let me crank up our music and dance around with no pants

You’ve made me laugh too many times to count

And made me proud an intangible amount

You’ve seen me through it all and so many would agree

You fought through some of the hardest times and come out beautifully free

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So remember on this day as I thank you for your you-ness

That I say it with a sincerity and a gratefulness of the truest…

…nature, but not the kind with all the trees and the bugs

More the kind with all the cheesy, sentimental, tear jerking hugs

So eat cake (without eggs) and ice cream (without dairy)

That way your birthday can be diarrhea free and quite merry.

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Love you.

Who They Say I Am

Tomorrow marks the first day of October.

It’s a new month, a new season, the perfect time for a fresh start.

That being said, I thought it was the perfect time to reintroduce myself to, well, myself.

Get a little “Hello my name is _____” sticker action.

To do so I thought I would consult today’s best gage of personal identity: Buzzfeed Quizzes and this is what I came up with.
Hello my name is Kim but you can call me Archibald

As in my Gossip Girl spirit animal, Nate

I’m kind, caring, and trustworthy, and going places don’t you worry

Not to mention I’m a total freaking babe.

I’m also known for my swearing, they actually call me the king

Just ask my beloved sitcom soul mate, the illustrious Chandler Bing

Humor, nubbins and awkwardness are sure to fill our days together

I’ll pursue a career in ballet and he’ll forecast the weather

We’ll meet long after my love affair with Gambit of the X-Men

Who will have swept me off my feet then left me crying in the street

Longing for his fuchsia chest plate romancin’

Now that accent you detect isn’t quite what you’d expect

Not the Californian one you thought you’d heard

They say my speech is up to par

With those long drunk in a New England Bar

Chanting “SOX” and trading H’s for my R’s

Like I said my name is Kim but you can call me Gellar

As in Ross, the Friends character I most embody

I have a big heart, bigger brain, and sometimes appear insane

When I perform the big routine at your New Year’s Party

You’ll want me around though, remember me

When the world is overrun by zombies

I’m fearless and fierce, have been called a grammar whiz

And am as adorable as a pack of baby donkeys.

True love, for me, is right around the corner, his type a famous movie star

Though they say I attract musicians, my spirit leaving their chorus wishin’

My Olsen trivia knowledge taking them places deep, wide, shallow, close and far.

And though I have a few minor faults

I’m an adequate adult

Since my secret middle name is Amadeus

I’m more of a cat than a dog

Am 50% apple snob

And will one day contract telekinesis.

Nice to meet you.

Ode to the Suck.

This is a poem about things I don’t like.

It’s not about love or a trail you can hike.

I’m diving in deep to the stuff that just sucks.

Like spiders and 2 ton death wielding semi-trucks.

I don’t know why I decided to rhyme

Maybe I thought it’d add whimsy, turn a nickel to a dime.

Let’s start with biting your tongue when you’re in mid story

Or getting carded at 23 to see an R-Rated movie

When you watch your phone plummet down to its bitter end

Into the bowl full of your Big Gulp you waited in line to expend.

Afternoons in the summer when your knee pits sweat

Or when an insect you “killed” suddenly resurrects

Every single email sent to you from LinkedIn

And when the person in front of you leaves their blinker blinkin’

Over ripe bananas and milk that’s gone a-chunk

Waking up in the morning with breath that tastes a-funk

Deciding what’s for dinner when there’s nothing in the fridge

Or when the person parked next to you could have moved over just a smidge.

Paper cuts, splinters, and the itch you can’t reach

Having every orifice of your body full of sand from the beach

Empty toilet paper rolls and empty boxes in the pantry

Watching the door shut behind you after you forgot your house key.

Forgetting to set an alarm and getting to work late

Only to find half your hair curled upwards and half of it pointed straight

When the headphones of your iPod go all a-twist

Or your car begins screeching like it needs an exorcist

The moments after winter turns into spring

When your allergies awaken and your snot makes tissues sing

Email after email claiming to get you rich quick

And email after email claiming to give you a big…..

Putting sunscreen on every inch except one

Or the 405 backing up on Saturday just for fun

Stepping on gum or getting gum in your hair

Blowing a bubble too big that catches your faces in a sticky snare

Finding a puddle with your fresh pair of socks

And every single E-trade commercial where infants can talk

There’s also the abundance of forks when you need spoons

Or the terrifying sound of popping balloons

We all have the things that leave us a-muck

They’re the things we just hate; they’re the things that just suck