How to Use these Emojis

This past December Apple released some revitalized, and some brand new emojis, many of which may have left you scratching your head. 

What context would I even use this in?

Enter me, stage right.

I’m here, I have advice, let’s get to it. Here’s how to use these 10 emojis:

“Female/Male Sleuth”

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This one can be used in a few different ways:

  1. If you have some gossip but don’t know where the friend on the receiving end might be or if they are ready/able to participate in such gossip, so you use this to warn them to prepare themselves.
  2. If your friend says, “I met someone online and they seem great!” but you are thoroughly convinced they’re probably a murderer and you’re not about to be an aiding and abetting bystander.
  3. If you are in charge of deciding “what are we doing tonight?!” and you already know what you want to do, but are sure that saying so outright will result in rejection and/or endless deliberation, so you send this to pretend you’re thinking about it.

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“Woman/Man Juggling”

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Use this when a day is throwing an unfathomable amount of (figurative, not literal) balls at you and you can no longer juggle them, so you’re essentially just standing there, letting them hit you, and completely going insane. This will alert the receiving party to have the necessary recovery snacks and/or alcohol in place when you get home.

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“Woman/Man Astronaut”

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Use this when you’re feeling so completely anti-social that you might as well be in space. This will prevent you from having to hand out “maybe’s” or “we’ll see’s” when it comes to potential plans, as it will act as a hard “no”, but in the nicest way possible.

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“Woman/Man Singer”

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Use this to warn your roommates you have it in your plans to come home, get drunk, and blast a guilty pleasure album. They can either take this as an invitation to join or a reason to be out of the house for the evening.

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“Woman/Man Farmer”

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Use this to let your family and friends know that you are an incredibly functional, mature adult because, against all odds, you’re still managing to keep your houseplant alive.

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“Speaker High Volume”

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Use this as a warning for someone who isn’t responding to you, letting them know they only have a little while longer before you start alerting authorities they might be dead in a ditch somewhere.

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“Roasted Sweet Potato”

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Use this to let your roommates know you’re at the grocery store and it’s going to be a while because all you had left was half of a sweet potato wrapped in foil that you felt kind of unsafe eating.

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“Dragon Face”

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Use this after you were nothing short of a jerk to someone and you don’t have a good reason why, so you want to apologize, but also blame it on something, so you blame your inner dragon.

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“Unicorn Face”

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Use this when you’ve just seen the hottest person in the entire world, but while you didn’t talk to them, you’ve already planned your future together.

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“Deciduous Tree”

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Use this in place of the overused b1923d25f9b3a9e78692230f1935b976, as a peace offering or a sign off, because trees are beautiful and relaxing and inspiring and you wish all those feelings on the person you’re talking to.

Good luck and happy emoji-ing!

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7 comments

  1. Haha this is great! I’m blind & these emojis are so damn small so half the time I don’t even know what they are. The new ones crack me up, though! Not sure how often I’ll be using a sweet potato or astronaut but this is a good guideline on when I can sneak ’em in!

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