Have you ever had a craving for Hot Cheetos (or their spicy chip counterparts)?
Have you ever had this craving late at night?
Have you ever had this craving and made the trip to the grocery store, only to get there and be completely overwhelmed with options?
Unless you are like me—who only likes regular Cheetos so none of this is an issue—or you hate Cheetos all together—in which case, how dare you—you probably answered yes to at least one of these questions.
Don’t worry, we are here to help you. And by “we”, I mostly mean my roommates, Natalee and Rachel, who have “sacrificed” their time, energy and tastebuds to help you make one of life’s toughest choices.
They have taken this task seriously. Approaching each bag with as little bias as possible, and soaking in not only the taste, but the experience each chip provides its eater. For they know that the spice inclined snacker is not the average snacker. They are a specific brand of snacking prowess, strict with their expectations and frank with their opinions.
So, without further ado, here are some opinions on the spicy chips of the world, to give you an idea of what you can expect from them, and whether or not they can cure your hangry helplessness on those late night (or early morning or whenever) snack runs.
Cheetos Flamin’ Hot Puffs
Rachel: I don’t think the spicyness is meant for this kind of chip. Do you know what I mean?
Natalee: *crunches and nods*
Rachel: Although they do take a little more work. It’s a crunch you can kind of…shovel.
Natalee: I agree. Not the best but puffs = portion control. So there’s that.
Crunchy Flamin’ Hot Limon Cheetos
Rachel: I’ve tried these before and they are are probably my favorite, but they definitely make me feel the worst.
Natalee: Yeah, but the lime elevates it.
Rachel: It gives it depth.
Natalee: It’s not your average spice or crunch.
*both nod and crunch, satisfied*
Crunchy Cheddar Jalapeño Cheetos
Natalee: *embodying the heart eye emoji* We all know how I feel about jalapeño.
Rachel: *takes a bite* Mmm! I like these better than regular Cheetos.
Natalee: They’re not all that spicy though. Kind of misleading.
Rachel: It kind of tastes like Lawry’s Seasoning Salt on Cheetos. I like them!
Natalee: I would consistently choose Hot Cheetos over these, but in a time of need I could still pound this bag.
Rachel: And always these over regular.
Natalee: Puffs or these?
Natalee: Yeah, crunch is really an important factor. So yeah, those weren’t bad.
Rachel: I enjoyed those.
Crunchy Flamin’ Hot Cheetos
Note: the bag we purchased featured a promotion for the Cheetos “Win What You See” competition which encouraged customers to send in pictures and descriptions of their oddest shaped Cheetos in order to win prizes inspired by what they see.
Natalee: Ah, old faithful.
*both grab large handfuls and begin holding individual Cheetos up at eye level to examine their shape*
Natalee: I just love hot Cheetos. Oh! I found a bird.
Rachel: Would you really want to win a vacation based on the shape of your Cheeto?
Natalee: Absolutely not. Honestly, just give me a free bag of Cheetos. *eats bird*
Rachel: I don’t think we really said anything about these but these are just my favorite.
Lays Chile Limon
Rachel: Ew. I don’t like the taste. It’s acidic but not in a good, vinegary way. It tastes like it’s sour.
*Natalee twists her face, nodding.*
Rachel: It tastes like the smell of something bad in fridge
Natalee: Yeah, it’s the flavor of staleness. Just plain bottom of the barrel.
XXXTRA flamin Hot
Note: Our friend Will, a fellow spicy snack connoisseur, was in attendance for this tasting.
Rachel: Oh, these definitely smell much hotter than the original.
*walks into kitchen to grab bag of original Flamin’ Hot Cheetos*
*Natalee, Rachel, and Will each take turns smelling the different bags*
Will: They do smell hotter.
*collectively agree to taste the original to remember the “spice level.”*
Natalee: *crunching* You have to eat at least 10 regular hot Cheetos before they start to live up to their name.
*everyone nods in agreement*
Rachel: Okay, now for these ones. Grab a real chunky one.
Natalee: Let’s all take two.
Rachel: Oh, it’s spicy at the end!
Will: I think it’s more flavorful.
Natalee: Yeah, it’s more flavorful than it is spicy. *exhales* Woah, it is spicy at the end though.
Natalee: Can you imagine these with lime?
Will: Holy shit, yeah, with lime. Talk about bang for your buck.
Natalee: It’s also another good one for portion control. If I needed something spicy I’d probably eat only, like, seven of these instead of 25 original ones.
Since there is no shortage of spicy chips hitting shelves these days, you can consider this episode one of an ongoing snack series. If you have any suggestions for the tasters, please pass them along, their taste buds are always willing and ready!