Kimberlee K.

Have you ever been walking around, minding your own business, and had someone come up to you and say, “Happy National Penguin Awareness Day!” (or something along those lines) and thought to yourself, when the hell did penguin awareness day become a thing?

I mean, I think we all have. These days it seems like there is a day for everything and every day there is something. I personally think they’re kind of fun, though I’m well aware of the ludicrousness of it all. That being said, since these “holidays” probably aren’t going anywhere any time soon, I figured it best to get in the loop, because it’s a place I like to be.

So, I recently downloaded an app called “Holidays” which tells you every “holiday” happening on any given day of the year, and today is “International Ask a Question Day.” Granted, it’s also “Save a Spider Day”, “Potato Chip Day” and, perhaps most well known: “Pi Day,” but I’m going to focus on International Ask a Question Day, because if there’s one thing I’m great at, it’s asking questions, about everything, all the time. I also thought it might be helpful to give you some tips on which questions you can ask today, just in case your lacking on inquiries. Let’s jump right in:

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Why can’t bread be a healthy vegetable that you are required to eat in order to survive?

You know, instead of the whole hard-to-digest carb that should be eaten in moderation unless you want big hips and permanent lethargy. Sub question: why is life so unfair?

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Why didn’t Apple hire Morgan Freeman to be Siri?

Morgan is reliable, you see? He would never pull the ole’ “I’m sorry I didn’t quite get that” or “Sorry, I’ve lost connection in the middle of nowhere at the very moment you needed directions to the nearest gas station because you’re below empty and now you’ll probably get lost and run out of gas and maybe get jumped by a rogue coyote.” Morgan would always be around to answer those burning questions and he wouldn’t do so in an arrogant, “what kind of damn question was that?” tone. He’d be the wise father figure you need in every situation, available 24/7 at the touch of a button.

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Are the chips at Mexican restaurants seasoned with cocaine?

Because I just ate 436 of them in roughly 4 minutes.

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Will Waldo ever truly be found?

I mean sure, here is he is:

And here:

But it seems like a guy that continues to hide should, you know, maybe seek counseling or change his outfit or contact witness protection. All I’m saying is, has anyone ever considered talking to Waldo?

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And finally,

Why do we make finger guns like this:

When guns are shaped like this?

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Have any questions you feel like asking? Today’s the day!