Coming up on a year ago now I posted this blog, listing 10 things that I do (at least seemingly) incorrectly. Since then, I have (not surprisingly) discovered a few more things that I do, if we want to put it nicer this time, differently.
Anyone with me out there?
1) Chewing Gum
One of the best features a stick of gum can have is long lasting flavor, right? Isn’t that what we all want? Isn’t that why there are undoubtedly people who are working as gum scientists, trying to make the dream of the everlasting gobstopper come true? Well if it is and if there are, it’s a wasted effort on me. I’d say on average, the max time I chew gum is about 10 minutes. If I chew it longer, it’s either because I’m on a plane and I’m trying to make my ears pop, or I’m falling asleep at my desk or in the waiting room at the DMV and I’m desperately trying to keep myself awake by chewing—which only works moderately well, by the way. For the most part, I really don’t like gum. It’s weird and I hate the sound it makes when you chew it and after I’ve used it to freshen my breath, I’m done with it and want to spit it out as fast as possible.
2) Make Pancakes
I’m sorry but I simply don’t have the patience for flipping. The mixing and the whisking and the ladling onto the griddle? Great. But the waiting for the top to bubble or the edges to brown or the pancake gods to send a sign, only to flip the pancake over and have it either still completely raw or burned to a crisp? THE WORST.
3) Posing for Pictures
What do I do with my arms? Or my legs for the matter? Why does my face keep doing that? And why does one of my eyebrows jump higher than the other one when I smile too big? Wait, why are we taking more than one photo? I only had the one pose in mind and it was mediocre at best. How does everyone else have backup poses?! Annnnd great, I look like a moron.
4) Hitting Snooze
This one is phrased wrong in that I’m actually superb at hitting snooze. I could have a graduate degree in snoozing. It’s not hitting snooze that I’m bad at. And even though I’d like to get up on time and not have to run around my house like a crazy person for once, and even though I’ve read all the articles on how bad pressing snooze it for you, I CAN’T STOP. This past week I’ve made an effort to only press snooze twice (per day) and I’ve considered that a success.
5) Taking Pills
I really truly thought at some point I would graduate into a full blown adult that could swallow pills without any issue, but no. I still to this day have to cut pills in half and take them with Gatorade or juice or pudding and I still sometimes have to throw them away and start over. Thank heaven for gummy vitamins.
So there they are, red strikes on my life report card. I’d like to think that admitting them gives me a green check in the bigger picture, but I’m not sure if life runs on the same grading scale as a kindergarten class.
Just please, give me a gold star and let me be on my way.
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