While it may seem obvious to even the most distant of onlooker, and while I should be well versed and well informed as I have lived with this knowledge my entire life, sometimes I still forget that I am a pale, pale white girl. And even on days when I am reminded of this, say, when I step into a bathing suit and the whitest parts my body squint at the daylight they don’t usually see, I still manage to forget that my skin is to the sun what a peace of bread is to a toaster: ready to get burned.
But alas, the sun is always there to set me straight. It is always there to cook me to the perfect pink of a medium rare steak, leaving me feeling the way I feel when I eat a perfectly pink steak too fast, and with too big a helping of mashed potatoes on the side: sad and regretful.
So as I sit here today, in the last stages of healing from a weekend sunburn, still diligently applying aloe vera, and patiently waiting for the itching phase of healing to pass, I thought I’d write some thank you notes a la Jimmy Fallon, to the sun, to my sunburn, and to keep my hands busy so I don’t physically scratch my skin off.
I’ll keep my oven mitts close just in case.
*ahem*
Cue the piano, James.
.
Thank you, Mr. Sun,
For teaching me what it feels like to be slow cooked. I can now empathize with everything I’ve ever put in a crock-pot.
.
Thank you, SPF,
For undoubtedly standing for Sun’ll Probably still Fry you.
.
Thank you, Google,
For teaching me that the itching phase of a sunburn is called “hell’s itch”, making anything I was going to call it seem way less dramatic.
.
Thank you, skin,
For always burning and then peeling and then going back immediately to pale. It has always been my worst nightmare to feel like a bronzed beach goddess, so I appreciate you keeping me from that misery.
.
Thank you, fall in Southern California,
For actually being Summer: the Sequel.
Oh to laugh at someone else’s misery! I asked one of your “sun mates” if you stayed in the shade all weekend?! She said “mostly…that or in the water”. I was a little worried for your pale skin. Guess I was correct to worry! 😦 Heal soon!
Never hear of “hell’s itch” but I think I’ll use it from now on!
Lol right?!
Ask uncle Chip to tell you about his sunburned tops of his feet. 😳
XO