My Life

Does the vague name make it sound more edgy?

(Your) Kids Say the Darndest Things

I don’t have any kids yet. (Thank goodness.)

I love them, and want them someday, but right now I survive primarily off of pasta and granola bars and I recently lost my favorite pair of pants inside my dresser drawer, so it’s safe to I need some time to, you know, grow.

When the time comes, you can pretty much guarantee I will be one of those people constantly posting about every single thing my kids say and do, because to me it will be HILARIOUS and life changing, where in reality it will just be burping into a spoon. Until that time however, I’ve decided to take note of the hilarious things that other peoples’ kids have said to me. I’ve also thrown in a few of my favorites from when my brother was little, enjoy!

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Kid: “When I bump my head, my brain gets hypnotized.”

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Kid: At my house, I saw a rainbow with only 2 colors

Me: Well that doesn’t seem right, how many colors should a rainbow have?

Kid: 400 or 10 or 9

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Kid: They’re making a new Star Wars movie!

Me: Cool! When will it be out?

Kid: In about 13 minutes

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Kid: The new me is going to be a Ghostbuster

Me: When is the new you arriving?

Kid: 13 days

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Kid: On Saturdays when I grow up, I’m going to be a dentist

Me: Only on Saturdays?

Kid: Yeah cuz on Sundays I’m going to be a scientist, and I’m going to work with you Monday through Friday

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Kid: Hey can we shoot this pomegranate with a bb gun?

Me: No, I don’t think so.

Kid: hmmm, okay, I think I’ll just throw it across the yard then.

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Me: Hey look, this cheeto looks like the letter “F”

Kid: Yeah! *pulls another cheeto out of bag* hey look, this cheeto looks like my grandpa wearing a hat!

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Kid: “Did you know that when people die they can still fart for a few hours?”

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Kid: Hmmm, that’s funny, this gutter smells like chicken.

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Sometimes I wish my brain still worked like theirs. Though, honestly, sometimes it still does.

Hot Guy March Madness

I consider myself to be a huge sports fan. There is almost no sport I can’t get into. Take Basketball for example, while isn’t necessarily my favorite sport, I can get behind it, especially during the craziness of March Madness.

This year, as I prepared for the start of the NCAA tournament, I came across a bracket.

This was not your average bracket, however. There were no rankings or underdogs or Cinderella stories. There weren’t even any basketball teams. This bracket was made entirely of hot guys pitted against each other to win an entirely different prize: the honor of hottest hot guy.

Screen Shot 2018-03-14 at 11.51.48 PM

All credit for this bracket goes to Matt Bellassi (who you can find here). He created the bracket for his podcast, with the sole purpose of deciding who among the men would have the grand honor of winning his heart. After coming across this bracket on Twitter, I immediately printed it out for my roommates and I to complete. You know, for bonding/research purposes.

Once we all got home from work, we sat at the dining room table like middle school kids doing their homework, and hunched over our assignment. While initially enthusiastic and giggly, soon the three of us became pensive and quiet.

This. Was. SERIOUS.

There were so many factors to consider. So many things to analyze and overanalyze. I mean, once you eliminated someone, they were gone, out of your life, 100% not going to be your soulmate. The pressure was practically unbearable!

At one point I eliminated someone because of a bad mustache incident a few years back, and then put someone else through because of a good mustache in recent years. One matchup was determined by my assumption that one guy would be more apt to “go outside with me,” while another we all determined was a no because, “his shadow would be scarily tall.”

In many ways it felt as if the men were all standing around us waving and smiling, anxious to win their next matchup and secretly hopeful to be awarded the top honor. Meanwhile, me, Natalee and Rachel were the modern day Simon, Paula and Randy, sitting behind our desks and listening looking close for just the right voice face.

In the end, the men who took home the top honor in our house were Jake Gyllenhaal, Chris Hemsworth, and Rami Malek. We’ve sent word to their publicists and expect an embarrassing display of roses/candy/etc. to arrive from all three any day now.

Once we were all finished with our brackets, we discovered that while we each believed we had filled our brackets out correctly, we didn’t actually follow the directions put in place by Matt Bellassi. With further research I came to find there were questions that were meant to be associated with each round in order to help you make your decisions.

They were as follows:

Round 1: Who would conquer a bear to save me?

Round 2: Who would win in a mud wrestling fight against the other?

Round 3: Who can bake the moistest cake?

Round 4: Who can carve a ham with their hands tied behind their back?

Round 5: Who can crack a walnut with their butt?

I’d like to say that should I have filled out the bracket this way I would have stood by my man and still ended the day as Kimberlee Gyllenhaal, but I really don’t know the walnut cracking capacity of his butt or how it could match up to that of the other men on this list. But I suppose that’s just something you have to accept when you marry someone. As the old saying goes, it’s the size of their heart, not the strength of their butt cheeks.

Ideas that Never Became Blog Posts (For Good Reason) – Episode 2

In November of last year I wrote this post to honor some ideas that were not only bad, but also somewhat confusing, as over time they’d lost all sense of, well, sense. And since my mind continues to be somewhat of a creative yet chaotic mess, there’s probably never going to be a shortage of bad ideas coming out of this thing. So I figure we might as well keep getting a good laugh out of them, right?

Let’s see what I came up with in the last few months

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“Thank yous for likes”

I vaguely remember writing this down thinking it could be some sort of commentary on the “likes” you garner on social media, but I can’t tell whether it was going to be geared in a positive or negative manner. I also can’t decide whether the giver of the “like” was saying thank you or the receiver of the “like” was saying thank you. When I think about it now, it kind of seems like they both do. Which may or may not have been the point all along.


“Inanimate objects l’d like to thank”

Now THIS would have been interesting. I must have been feeling an extreme amount of gratitude towards a specific thing and decided it would be easy/entertaining enough to make a list of them to thank. But what was I so grateful for? A water bottle that hydrated me? A pair of socks that kept my feet warm? And why did I think anyone would want to read an entire blog post about it?


“Weird is timeless”

I don’t know where this came from, but I want it on a T-shirt, STAT.


I’ll have you know

Committed

Plot Reveal

This was written just like this in the middle of a page in my notebook. There were no other notes and there was no followup. It’s worth noting that it was written extremely sloppy, which usually means I pulled my notebook out at a red light to jot down an idea that popped into my mind while I was driving. It is assumed that when I get to my final destination I can return to my notebook and flesh out the idea, but clearly that didn’t happen.


“Punch in the face change names told”

WHAT?! I mean…WHAT?!?! This looks like someone was drunk but trying to sound sober, so they used predictive text to write a sentence for them, smiled proudly to themselves and then hit send right before they threw up in a bush.


Vowels in the still

Crescendo

Again, I’m at a total loss. But I have to say, I’m kind of invested in whatever I was trying to work out. “Vowels in the Still” would be a great title of something. So if anyone out there is looking for some creative inspiration, consider this one of those vague prompts you get from competitions and make something! No need to compensate me when you start making your millions, just invite me to your premiere or send me a copy of your novel.


 

And so concludes another edition of “Kim, are you alright?” Thanks for tuning in to this and to anything, ever. Here’s hoping good ideas continue to pop up amongst these bad (and damn right strange) ones.

2018 Winter Olympics Final Recap

In a tragic yet predictable turn of events, time has flown by and the Olympics are already over! It went by in the blink of an eye—which makes sense, because I got approximately that much sleep since they started. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. The Olympics are truly one of my favorite things, and these 2018 Winter Games were nothing short of incredible. I cheered, I danced, I yelled, I happy cried, I sappy cried, I straight up sad cried for no reason at all. And just like the conclusion of any Olympics…I’m already counting down the days until the next one! As of today, there are officially 878 days to go!  See you in Tokyo!


The Highlights & the History Makers

To name a few:

  • Lizzy Yarnold became the first woman to win two medals in skeleton, as well as the first woman from Great Britain to win back to back gold medals in any Winter Olympic sport.
  • Oleksandr Abramenko gave Ukraine their first ever medal in Aerials
  • Jazmine Fenlator-Victorian and Carrie Russell debuted Jamaica’s first ever women’s bobsleigh team.
  • The US women’s hockey team won gold for the first time in 20 years
  • Jessie Diggins and Kikkan Randall became the first American women to ever medal in cross country skiing.
  • Hungary won gold in the men’s 5000m relay, the first Winter Olympic medal in the country’s history.
  • By winning gold in both the parallel giant slalom and the Super G, snowboarder Ester Ledecka of the Czech Republic became the first woman to ever win gold medals in two different sports.
  • John Shuster, Tyler George, Matt Hamilton, John Landsteiner, and Joe Polo won the USA its first ever gold medal in curling.

 The Events

(All images belong to https://www.pyeongchang2018.com/)

Alpine Skiing

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Women’s Super G

  • Gold: Ester Ledecka – CZE flag-for-czech-republic_1f1e8-1f1ff
  • Silver: Anna Veith – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9
  • Bronze: Tina Weirather – LIE flag-for-liechtenstein_1f1f1-1f1ee

Men’s Giant Slalom

  • Gold: Marcel Hirscher – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9
  • Silver: Henrik Kristoffersen – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Alexis Pinturault – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7

Women’s Downhill

  • Gold: Sofia Goggia – ITA flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9
  • Silver: Ragnhild Mowinckel – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Lindsey Vonn – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8

Men’s Slalom

  • Gold: Andre Myhrer – SWE flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Silver: Ramon Zenhaeusern – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Bronze: Michael Matt – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9

Women’s Alpine Combined

  • Gold: Michelle Gisin – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Silver: Mikaela Shiffrin – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Bronze: Wendy Holdener – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed

Alpine Team Event

  • Gold: Switzerland flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Silver: Austria flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9
  • Bronze: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

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Biathlon

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Women’s 12.5km Mass Start

  • Gold: Anastasiya Kuzmina – SVK flag-for-slovakia_1f1f8-1f1f0
  • Silver: Darya Domracheva – BLR flag-for-belarus_1f1e7-1f1fe
  • Bronze: Tiril Eckhoff – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

Men’s 15km Mass Start

  • Gold: Martin Fourcade – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7
  • Silver: Simon Schempp – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Emil Hegle Svendsen – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

2x6km Women + 2×7.5km Men Mixed Relay

  • Gold: France flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7
  • Silver: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Italy flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9

Women’s 4x6km Relay

  • Gold: Belarus flag-for-belarus_1f1e7-1f1fe
  • Silver: Sweden flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Bronze: France flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7

Men’s 4×7.5km Relay

  • Gold: Sweden flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Silver: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Germany flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea

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Bobsleigh

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Men’s 2-Man 

  • Gold (TIE): Canada flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6 & Germany flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Latvia flag-for-latvia_1f1f1-1f1fb

Women’s 2-Man

  • Gold: Germany flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: United States of America flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Bronze: Canada flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

Men’s 4-Man

  • Gold: Germany flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Germany flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Republic of Korea flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7

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Cross Country Skiing

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Men’s 15km Free

  • Gold: Dario Cologna – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Silver: Simen Hegstad Krueger – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Denis Spitsov – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

Women’s 4x5km Relay

  • Gold: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Sweden flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Olympic Athletes from Russia olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

Men’s 4x10km Relay

  • Gold: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Olympic Athlete from Russia olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef
  • Bronze: France flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7

Women’s Team Sprint Free

  • Gold: United States of America flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Silver: Sweden flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

Men’s Team Sprint Free

  • Gold: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Olympic Athletes from Russia olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef
  • Bronze: France flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7

Men’s 50km Mass Start Classic

  • Gold: Iivo Niskanen – FIN flag-for-finland_1f1eb-1f1ee
  • Silver: Alexander Bolshunov – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef
  • Bronze: Andrey Larkov – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

Women’s 30km Mass Start Classic

  • Gold: Marit Bjoergen – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Krista Parmakoski – FIN flag-for-finland_1f1eb-1f1ee
  • Bronze: Stina Nilsson – SWE flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea

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Curling

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Men’s

  • Gold: United States of America flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Silver: Sweden flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Switzerland flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed

Women’s

  • Gold: Sweden flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Silver: Republic of Korea flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Japan flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5

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Figure Skating

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Men’s

  • Gold: Yuzuru Hanyu – JPN flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5
  • Silver: Shoma Uno – JPN flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5
  • Bronze: Javier Fernandez – ESP flag-for-spain_1f1ea-1f1f8

Ice Dance

  • Gold: Tessa Virtue & Scott Moir – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver:  Gabriella Papadakis & Guillaume Cizeron – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Maia Shibutani & Alex Shibutani – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8

Women’s

  • Gold: Alina Zagitova – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef
  • Silver: Evgenia Medvedeva – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef
  • Bronze: Kaetlyn Osmond – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

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Freestyle Skiing

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Women’s Aerials

  • Gold: Hanna Huskova – BLR flag-for-belarus_1f1e7-1f1fe
  • Silver: Zhang Xin – CHN flag-for-china_1f1e8-1f1f3
  • Bronze: Kong Fanyu – CHN flag-for-china_1f1e8-1f1f3

Women’s Ski Slopestyle

  • Gold: Sarah Hoefflin – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Silver: Mathilde Gremaud – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Bronze: Isabel Atkin – GBR flag-for-united-kingdom_1f1ec-1f1e7

Men’s Ski Slopestyle

  • Gold: Oystein Braaten – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Nick Goepper – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Bronze: Alex Beaulieu-Marchand – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

Men’s Aerials

  • Gold: Oleksandr Abramenko – UKR flag-for-ukraine_1f1fa-1f1e6
  • Silver: Jia Zongyang – CHN flag-for-china_1f1e8-1f1f3
  • Bronze: Ilia Burov – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

Women’s Ski Halfpipe

  • Gold: Cassie Sharpe – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: Marie Martinod – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Brita Sigourney – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8

Men’s Ski Cross

  • Gold: Brady Leman – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: Marc Bischofberger – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Bronze: Sergey Ridzik – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

Men’s Ski Halfpipe

  • Gold: David Wise – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Silver: Alex Ferreira – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Bronze: Nico Porteous – NZL flag-for-new-zealand_1f1f3-1f1ff

Women’s Ski Cross

  • Gold: Kelsey Serwa – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: Brittany Phelan – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Bronze: Fanny Smith – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed

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Hockey

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Women’s

  • Gold: United States of America flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Silver: Canada flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Bronze: Finland flag-for-finland_1f1eb-1f1ee

Men’s

  • Gold: Olympic Athletes of Russia olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef
  • Silver: Germany flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Canada flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

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Nordic Combined

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Individual Large Hill 10km

  • Gold: Johannes Rydzek – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Fabian Riessle – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Eric Frenzel – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea

Team Large Hill 4×5 km

  • Gold: Germany flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Austria flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9

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Short Track

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Women’s 1500m

  • Gold: Choi Minjeong – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Silver: Li Jinyu – CHN flag-for-china_1f1e8-1f1f3
  • Bronze: Kim Boutin – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

Men’s 1000m

  • Gold: Samuel Girard – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: John-Henry Krueger USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Bronze: Seo Yira – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7

Women’s 3000m Relay

  • Gold: Republic of Korea flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Silver: Italy flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9
  • Bronze: Netherlands flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1

Men’s 500m

  • Gold: Wu Dajing – CHN flag-for-china_1f1e8-1f1f3
  • Silver: Hwang Daeheon – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Lim Hyojun – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7

Women’s 1000m

  • Gold: Suzanne Schulting – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Silver: Kim Boutin – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Bronze: Arianna Fontana – ITA flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9

Men’s 5000m Relay

  • Gold: Hungary flag-for-hungary_1f1ed-1f1fa
  • Silver: China flag-for-china_1f1e8-1f1f3
  • Bronze: Canada flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

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Skeleton

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Men’s

  • Gold: Yun Sungbin – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Silver: Nikita Tregubov – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef
  • Bronze: Dom Parsons – GBR flag-for-united-kingdom_1f1ec-1f1e7

Women’s

  • Gold: Lizzy Yarnold – GBR flag-for-united-kingdom_1f1ec-1f1e7
  • Silver: Jacqueline Loelling – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Laura Deas – GBR flag-for-united-kingdom_1f1ec-1f1e7

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Ski Jumping

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Men’s Individual Large Hill

  • Gold: Kamil Stoch – POL flag-for-poland_1f1f5-1f1f1
  • Silver: Andreas Wellinger – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Robert Johansson – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

Men’s Team

  • Gold: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Germany flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Poland flag-for-poland_1f1f5-1f1f1

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Snowboarding

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Women’s Big Air

  • Gold: Anna Gasser – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9
  • Silver: Jamie Anderson – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Bronze: Zoi Sadowski Synnott – NZL flag-for-new-zealand_1f1f3-1f1ff

Men’s Big Air

  • Gold: Sebastien Toutant – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: Kyle Mack – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Bronze: Billy Morgan – GBR flag-for-united-kingdom_1f1ec-1f1e7

Women’s Parallel Giant Slalom

  • Gold: Ester Ledecka – CZE flag-for-czech-republic_1f1e8-1f1ff
  • Silver: Selina Joerg – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Ramona Theresia Hofmeister – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea

Men’s Parallel Giant Slalom

  • Gold: Nevin Galmarini – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Silver: Lee Sangho – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Zan Kosir – SLO flag-for-slovenia_1f1f8-1f1ee

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Speed Skating

12_speedskating_2017103115345361

Men’s 10,000m

  • Gold: Ted-Jan Bloemen – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: Jorrit Bergsma – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Bronze: Nicola Tumolero – ITA flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9

Women’s 5,000m

  • Gold: Esmee Visser – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Silver: Martina Sablikova – CZE flag-for-czech-republic_1f1e8-1f1ff
  • Bronze: Natalia Voronina – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

Women’s 500m

  • Gold: Nao Kodaira – JPN flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5
  • Silver: Lee Sang-Hawa – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Karolina Erbanova – CZE flag-for-czech-republic_1f1e8-1f1ff

Men’s 500m

  • Gold: Havard Lorentzen – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Cha Min Kyu – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Gao Tingyu – CHN flag-for-china_1f1e8-1f1f3

Women’s Team Pursuit

  • Gold: Japan flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5
  • Silver: Netherlands flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Bronze: United States of America flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8

Men’s Team Pursuit

  • Gold: Norway flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Republic of Korea flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Netherlands flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1

Men’s 1,000m

  • Gold: Kjeld Nuis – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Silver: Havard Lorentzen – NOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Kim Tae-Yun – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7

Women’s Mass Start

  • Gold: Nana Takag – JPN flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5
  • Silver: Kim Bo-Reum – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Irene Schouten – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1

Men’s Mass Start

  • Gold: Lee Seung-Hoon – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Silver: Bart Swings – BEL flag-for-belgium_1f1e7-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Koen Verweij – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1

 


The Medal Count

Gold Silver Bronze Total
1 Norway 14 14 11 39
2 Germany 14 10 7 31
3 Canada 11 8 10 29
4 USA 9 8 6 23
5 Netherlands 8 6 6 20
6 Republic of Korea 5 8 4 17
6 OAR 2 6 9 17
7 Switzerland 5 6 4 15
7 France 5 4 6 15
8 Sweden 7 6 1 14
8 Austria 5 3 6 14
9 Japan 4 5 4 13
10 Italy 3 2 5 10
11 China 1 6 2 9
12 Czech Republic 2 2 3 7
13 Finland 1 1 4 6
14 Great Britain 1 0 4 5
15 Belarus 2 1 0 3
15 Slovakia 1 2 0 3
15 Australia 0 2 1 3
16 Poland 1 0 1 2
16 Slovenia 0 1 1 2
16 Spain 0 0 2 2
16 New Zealand 0 0 2 2
17 Hungary 1 0 0 1
17 Ukraine 1 0 0 1
17 Belgium 0 1 0 1
17 Liechtenstein 0 0 1 1
17 Kazakhstan 0 0 1 1
17 Latvia 0 0 1 1

 

33 Harmless Things I Hate

Playing off the list I recently made of things that make me happy, my mind started swirling with things that do quite the opposite. It was nothing too intense or traumatic, it was just things that irk me. The things, to put it lightly, I’d just rather not come into contact with in my day to day life. For example:

  1. Spoilers (i.e movie endings, sports results, etc.)
  2. Unwarranted rudeness
  3. Hidden pickles in hamburgers
  4. Chewing noises
  5. Lack of decision making
  6. Decision making
  7. People who don’t use their blinkers
  8. People who walk slow
  9. Clothes tags
  10. Nuts in chocolate
  11. When lotion dries out and hardens
  12. Crooked or off-center picture frames
  13. Online articles that promise you lists but give long paragraphs or glitchy slideshows
  14. People who cheat-merge on the freeway (a.k.a wait way longer than they should to merge and then cut you off)
  15. Dictionary definitions that tell you nothing (for example: if you looked up “protagonist” and it told you something like “the opposite of an antagonist”)
  16. Autocorrects that make no sense (I’m looking at you “haga”)
  17. A dirty kitchen
  18. Static
  19. When socks slip off inside your shoes
  20. Being unable to think of anything else to say to someone besides a vague comment about the weather
  21. Car commercials that trick you into thinking they’re advertising something else
  22. Car commercials in general
  23. Wind
  24. The fact that it never seems to get any easier to wake up for work on time
  25. Finally mustering up the energy to go to the doctor, only to feel 100% fine when you get there
  26. Stores with too many scents
  27. My sensitive stomach that gets motion sickness from EVERYTHING
  28. People who say “you look tired.”
  29. TV episodes (especially season finales) that end with “to be continued”
  30. Getting sunburned in the ONE spot you managed to miss
  31. Tea
  32. Loose fitting shoes
  33. Inconsistency (for example: when the first edition of this post was 34 items long, but this one is only 33…smirking-face_1f60f)

2018 Winter Olympics (Week 1 Recap)

Today officially marks the end of the first week of the Olympics, meaning I’ve officially spent a week on the couch watching the Olympics. Aside from a few butt cramps, I’m not complaining. The Olympics are one of my favorite things in the whole world and when they are on, I never want to miss a minute!

That being said, I know there are a number of people out there who 1) don’t have time to watch them, 2) don’t have the means to watch them or 3) don’t really care all that much. While I can’t really help you #3’s out there, fear not, #1’s and #2’s, I’m here to break it down for you. The way I see it, this is a win win because you get the info you’re looking for and I just get to talk about the Olympics, which I never get tired of doing. So let’s dive on in. Here’s what’s happened so far:

The Highlights & the History Makers

To name a few:

  • This is the first winter games for South Korea
  • Six countries: Ecuador, Eritrea, Kosovo, Malaysia, Singapore, and Nigeria are making their winter Olympics debut
  • Mirai Nagasu became the first US woman to land a triple axle at the Olympics
  • Chloe Kim became the youngest female to ever win an Olympic snowboarding medal
  • Adam Rippon & Gus Kenworthy are the first openly gay winter Olympians
  • After crashing and breaking one of his poles at the start of the men’s 30km skiathlon, Norwegian cross-country skier Simen Hegstad Krueger came all the way back and won gold
  • After failing to medal in Sochi and then facing a brutal injury at the end of last year, Shaun White won gold in the snowboarding halfpipe, making him the first snowboarder in history to win three gold medals.
  • Chris Mazdzer became the first American to medal in luge since 1964
  • Sven Kramer of the Netherlands won gold in the men’s 5000m, making him the first male to win 8 gold medals in speed skating
  • Russian pairs skaters Aliona Savchenko (skating in her 5th Olympics!!) and Bruno Massot earned the highest score ever recorded in pairs free skate to win the gold medal

 


 The Events

(All images belong to https://www.pyeongchang2018.com/)

Alpine Skiing

01_alpine_skiing_0_2017103115264817

Men’s Alpine Combined Slalom

  • Gold: Marcel Hirscher – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9
  • Silver: Alexis Pinturault – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Victor Muffat-Jeandet – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7

Men’s Downhill

  • Gold: Askel Lund Svindal – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Kjetil Jansrud – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Beat Feuz – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed

Women’s Giant Slalom

  • Gold: Mikaela Shiffrin – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Silver: Ragnhild Mowinckel – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Federica Brignone – ITA flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9

Men’s Super G

  • Gold: Matthias Mayer – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9
  • Silver: Beat Feuz – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Bronze: Kjetil Jansrud – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

Women’s Slalom

  • Gold: Frida Hansdotter – SWE flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Silver: Wendy Holdener – SUI flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Bronze: Katharina Gallhuber – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9

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Biathlon

02_biathlon_0_20171031152651567

Women’s 7.5km Sprint

  • Gold: Laura Dahlmeier – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Marte Olsbu – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Veronika Vitkova – CZE flag-for-czech-republic_1f1e8-1f1ff

Men’s 10km Sprint

  • Gold: Arnd Peiffer – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Michal Krcmar – CZE flag-for-czech-republic_1f1e8-1f1ff
  • Bronze: Dominik Windisch – ITA flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9

Women’s 10km pursuit

  • Gold: Laura Dahlmeier – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Anastasiya Kuzmina – SVK flag-for-slovakia_1f1f8-1f1f0
  • Bronze: Anais Bescond – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7

Men’s 12.5km pursuit

  • Gold: Martin Fourcade – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7
  • Silver: Sebastian Samuelsson – SWE flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Benedikt Doll – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea

Women’s 15km Individual

  • Gold: Hanna Oeberg – SWE flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Silver: Anastasiya Kuzmina – SVK flag-for-slovakia_1f1f8-1f1f0
  • Bronze: Laura Dahlmeier – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea

Men’s 20km Individual

  • Gold: Johannes Thingnes Boe – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Jakov Fak – SLO flag-for-slovenia_1f1f8-1f1ee
  • Bronze: Dominik Landertinger – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9

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Cross Country Skiing

03_crosscountry_skiing_0_20171031152723988

Women’s 15km Skiathlon

  • Gold: Charlotte Kalla – SWE flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Silver: Marit Bjoergen – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Kristia Parmakoski – FIN flag-for-finland_1f1eb-1f1ee

Men’s 30km Skiathlon

  • Gold: Simen Hegstad Krueger – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Martin Johnsrud Sundby – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Hans Christer Holund – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

Men’s Individual Sprint

  • Gold: Johannes Hoesflot Klaebo – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Federico Pellegrino – ITA flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9
  • Bronze: Alexander Bolshunov – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

Women’s Individual Sprint

  • Gold: Stina Nilsson – SWE flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Silver: Maiken Caspersen Falla – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Yulia Belorukova – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

Women’s 10km Free

  • Gold: Ragnhild Haga – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Charlotte Kalla – SWE flag-for-sweden_1f1f8-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Krista Parmakoski – FIN flag-for-finland_1f1eb-1f1ee  & Marit Bjoergen – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

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Curling

08_curlilng_0_20171031152751269

Mixed Doubles

  • Gold: Canada flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: Switzerland flag-for-switzerland_1f1e8-1f1ed
  • Bronze: Olympic Athletes of Russia olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

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Figure Skating

09_figure_skating_0_20171031152852878

Team Event

  • Gold: Canada flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: Olympic Athletes of Russia olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef
  • Bronze: United States of America flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8

Pairs

  • Gold: Aljiona Savchenko & Bruno Massot – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Wenjing Sui & Cong Han – CHN flag-for-china_1f1e8-1f1f3
  • Bronze: Meagan Duhamel & Eric Radford – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

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Freestyle Skiing

04_freestyle_skiing_0_20171031152818878

Women’s Moguls

  • Gold: Perrine Laffont – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7
  • Silver: Justine Dufour-Lapointe – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Bronze: Yulia Galysheva – KAZ flag-for-kazakhstan_1f1f0-1f1ff

Men’s Moguls

  • Gold: Mikael Kingsbury – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: Matt Graham – AUS flag-for-australia_1f1e6-1f1fa
  • Bronze: Daichi Hara – JPN flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5

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Luge

20170111145737117_14_luge_0

Men’s Singles

  • Gold: David Gleirscher – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9
  • Silver: Chris Mazdzer – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Bronze: Johannes Ludwig – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea

Women’s Singles

  • Gold: Natalie Geisenberger – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Dajana Eitberger – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Alex Gough – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

Doubles

  • Gold: Tobias Wendl & Tobias Arlt – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Peter Penz & Georg Fischler – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9
  • Bronze: Toni Eggert & Sasha Benecken – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea

Team Relay

  • Gold: Germany flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Canada flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Bronze: Austria flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9

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Nordic Combined

05_nordic_combined_2017103115308314

Normal Hill 10km

  • Gold: Eric Frenzel – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Akito Watabe – JPN flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5
  • Bronze: Lukas Klapfer – AUT flag-for-austria_1f1e6-1f1f9

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Short Track

11_shorttrack_speedskating_20180212113034681

Men’s 1500m

  • Gold: Lim Hyojun – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7
  • Silver: Sjinkie Knegt – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Bronze: Semen Elistratov – OAR olympic-rings_25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef-200d-25ef

Women’s 500m

  • Gold: Arianna Fontana – ITA flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9
  • Silver: Yara Van Kerkhof – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Bronze: Kim Boutin – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

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Ski Jumping

06_ski_jumping_20171031153134501

Men’s Individual Normal Hill

  • Gold: Andreas Wellinger – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Silver: Johann Andre Forfang – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Bronze: Robert Johansson – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

Women’s Normal Hill

  • Gold: Maren Lundby – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4
  • Silver: Katharina Althaus – GER flag-for-germany_1f1e9-1f1ea
  • Bronze: Sara Takanashi – JPN flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5

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Snowboarding

07_snowboard_2017103115313548

Men’s Slopestyle

  • Gold: Red Girard -USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Silver: Max Parrot – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Bronze: Mark McMorris – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6

Women’s Slopestyle

  • Gold: Jamie Anderson -USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Silver: Laurie Blouin – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Bronze: Enni Rukajarvi – FIN flag-for-finland_1f1eb-1f1ee

Women’s Halfpipe

  • Gold: Chloe Kim – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Silver: Liu Jiayu – CHN flag-for-china_1f1e8-1f1f3
  • Bronze: Arielle Gold – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8

Men’s Halfpipe

  • Gold: Shaun White – USA flag-for-united-states_1f1fa-1f1f8
  • Silver: Ayumu Hirano – JPN flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5
  • Bronze: Scotty James – AUS flag-for-australia_1f1e6-1f1fa

Men’s Snowboard Cross

  • Gold: Pierre Vaultier – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7
  • Silver: Jarryd Hughes – AUS flag-for-australia_1f1e6-1f1fa
  • Bronze: Regino Hernandez – ESP flag-for-spain_1f1ea-1f1f8

Women’s Snowboard Cross

  • Gold: Michela Moioli – ITA flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9
  • Silver: Julia Pereira Sousa Mabileau – FRA flag-for-france_1f1eb-1f1f7
  • Bronze: Eva Samkova – CZE flag-for-czech-republic_1f1e8-1f1ff

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Speed Skating

12_speedskating_2017103115345361

Women’s 3000m

  • Gold: Carlijn Achtereekte – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Silver: Ireen Wust – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Bronze: Antoinetter De Jong – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1

Men’s 5000m

  • Gold: Sven Kramer – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Silver: Ted-Jan Bloemen – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Bronze: Sverre Lunde Pedersen – NOR flag-for-norway_1f1f3-1f1f4

Women’s 1500m

  • Gold: Ireen Wust – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Silver: Miho Takagi – JPN flag-for-japan_1f1ef-1f1f5
  • Bronze: Marrit Leenstra – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1

Women’s 1000m

  • Gold: Kjeld Nuis – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Silver: Patrick Roest – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Bronze: Kim Min Seok – KOR flag-for-south-korea_1f1f0-1f1f7

Men’s 1000m

  • Gold: Ted-Jan Bloemen – CAN flag-for-canada_1f1e8-1f1e6
  • Silver: Jorrit Bergsma – NED flag-for-netherlands_1f1f3-1f1f1
  • Bronze: Nicola Tumolero – ITA flag-for-italy_1f1ee-1f1f9

The Medal Count

Gold Silver Bronze Total
1 Germany 9 2 4 15
2 Norway 6 7 5 18
3 Netherlands  5 5 2 12
4 United States 5 1 2 8
5 Canada  4 5 4 13
6 Sweden 4 2 0 6
7 France 3 2 2 7
8 Austria 3 1 4 8
9 Italy  2 1 3 6
10 Republic of Korea  2 0 1 3
11 Japan 0 4 3 7
12 Switzerland 0 3 1 4
13 OAR 0 2 4 6
14 Australia 0 2 1 3
15 China 0 2 0 2
15 Slovakia 0 2 0 2
17 Czech Republic 0 1 2 3
18 Slovenia 0 1 0 1
19 Finland 0 0 3 3
20 Spain 0 0 1 1
20 Great Britain 0 0 1 1
20 Kazakhstan 0 0 1 1

 

In all honesty, I’m really only scratching the surface here. The numbers and names do little to capture the stories behind them. Congratulations to everyone whose hard work earned them the opportunity to represent their country this year, and a special congratulations to those going home with a medal! There have already been so many great moments in the Olympics and I look forward to seeing many more over the next week and a half! If you need me I’ll be on the couch with a remote in my hand, cheering for Team USA!

Sometimes Friendship is Gummy Bears

About 3-4 years ago I was going through a period of my life when I genuinely believed I didn’t have very many (see: enough) friends. I considered myself a master of acquaintances, succeeding in keeping most people at arm’s length to ensure that a) I wouldn’t get hurt and b) I wouldn’t disappoint anyone. Some days I told myself I was satisfied, other days I wasn’t so convinced.

Combined with shyness and bouts of social anxiety, I struggled knowing what kind of friend I should be. I read articles and watched how other friendships worked, and though I wasn’t necessarily dissatisfied with my relationships, I constantly worried that other people were. I thought I was too boring, I thought I was too quiet. I was too this or not enough that and I drove myself crazy, making notes on what I could improve on or what I should do differently.

In time, I came to realize that these fears were all linked to the insecurities I felt as a person, rather than the weaknesses I had as a friend. I’m not saying I am or have ever been a perfect friend, however, in not accepting and loving the person I was, I was doing a disservice to both myself and to anyone I tried to start a friendship with.

These days, I consider myself very lucky to have an amazing group of friends. And while I would still consider myself a guarded person, I have a much easier time opening that door because I’m proud of the person I’m introducing on the other side. In light of this however, I still find myself having those doubtful days. With a constant stream of articles, quizzes and social media anecdotes that define what friendship should look like or feel like or sound like, sometimes I’m still left wondering if I’m a good enough/entertaining enough/honest enough/etc. friend.

For example, the other day I read an article that was titled something like, “You Can’t Consider Yourself Best Friends with Someone Unless…” and it went on to list a number of conversations and experiences the author considered defining for a friendship. I clicked on the article in hopes of finding relatable experiences I could share with my friends, however, as I read through it I didn’t recognize myself in a single thing. Does this mean all my friendships are fake? Of course not! Does it mean that we live in a world where friendships are as unique as we are and should be understood accordingly? I’d like to think so!

The way I see it, friendship is what you make it. There is no definable timeline, there are no parameters and there are no “you’re not actually friends unless…” Friendship can be big, it can be small, and it can be shown with words and actions alike.

About a week ago, after having a terrible day and coming home on the verge of tears, my roommate, Rachel, presented me with a small packet of gummy bears. It was the last packet leftover from my sister’s birthday—which featured a taco piñata full of mini alcohol and candy—thus making it precious cargo.

“I just want your day to be better,” she said as she handed them to me. And it genuinely was!

I know it sounds silly and small, but in that moment it made me feel loved and understood, which is really what friendship is all about. It’s not about being a specific this or that or talking about this or experiencing that. Sometimes it’s just someone willing to give up their gummy bears. And when you can find people like that, you stop worrying about whether you have “enough” friends, because having even one friend like that is a far greater gift.

The Dream About Space (Among Other Things)

If you’ll recall from this post a couple years ago, I tend to have weird dreams. I also like to evaluate those dreams using DreamMoods.com so I can pretend I’m not concerned by the subject matter. That being said, I want to take you on a journey through a dream I had about a month ago, which may or may not be one of my strangest dreams ever.

Let us begin.

So the dream starts off with me sitting at a table with my sister, Natalee, my cousin, Cory, a girl named Brooke (whom I’ve never met or seen in my life) and a middle aged man who is not only a stranger as well, but also nameless.

The meeting is just like any other meeting—save for the fact that it revolves around our upcoming trip to space. As in OUTER space. Why are we going to outer space, you ask? Because our family friends just moved there and have invited us to visit, obviously. And when I get an invitation to space, I take it—and apparently invite strangers to come along.

Now, seeing as we’re going to space it is obvious why we would need to hold a meeting. No, not because of the whole earth to space transition—because apparently that’snot a big dealand “I’ve done this many times.” No, the key reason for the meeting is that we are going to be using a different “portal” than usual to get there, and I wanted everyone to know ahead of time.

At this news, Cory and Natalee nod. This is no big deal for them. They just need the when and the where and they will be ready to…you know…portal it up. Brooke on the other hand is NOT DOWN. I get it. I mean, we all have a portal that works best for us, am I right? In the end, Brooke and the nameless dude bail, leaving Natalee, Cory and I in the conference room, where we crawl through a tiny hole that leads to space. (Feel free to give me a call, NASA, I remember what the conference room looked like.)

Once in space, we float through our friends’ new digs, which is mostly a glass sphere with round buttons all over the inside. While I wasn’t visibly upset in the dream, upon waking up I realized that of the six people that belong to the family in real life, only three of them were in my dream. The other three people in attendance were 100% strangers, however, dream-me didn’t seem to notice. #alarming

After getting all of the, “hey, yeah, we’re in space, cool floating pod, do you like it better than your two-story earth house?” type small talk out of the way, we decide to do what anyone would do the first day they were in space: play board games. (Because who needs gravity to hold the pieces to the board?!)

The next morning I wake up leaning diagonally into a wall, yawning and stretching like it was the best night of my life. I then tell my sister I would like to go to church. Naturally she gives me the lowdown, explaining, “lol Kim, you can’t do that, we’re in space,” to which I reply with a crawl back through the hole in the wall, because #portalsarelife.

Once I’m back on earth, I start walking. The portal dropped me off about two miles from my church (in my actual, real life neighborhood) so I take the same route I do every Sunday. Once I’m about a half of a mile away however, I’m stopped. Is it because there’s a roadblock? Is there an earthquake? Am I hit by a car?

No.

I stop—and I mean, come to a DEAD HALT—because there is guy putting on a reptile show for kids. A REPTILE GUY. And do you know what I do next? I hold a snake. Do you know what I do after? I GO BACK TO SPACE.

I can’t even tell you where the portal was this time. From what I can tell, dream-me may or may not have the ability to teleport on command. To make matters worse, when I get back to space and my sister asks me how church was and I say, “oh, I actually didn’t make it,” she says what no one should ever have to say, “Kim, did you get stopped by the reptile guy AGAIN?”

I wish I could tell you I was able to figure this one out. But even after I broke down certain parts I was arguably more confused than when I started.

For example, outer space supposedly signifies “boundless creativity” which, okay, cool, I would consider myself a creative person.

To dream that a stranger is pretending to be someone you know (i.e. when the family I know in real life was not quite the family I found in space) suggests that the person you know is not who you thought they were. So I’m boundlessly creative, but my friends are imposters…okay…

To see or play board games signifies “progress in life.” Now, I could argue my in-dream life is making much more progress than my actual life, seeing as I can teleport on a dime between earth and space and everything. But if we’re only talking about real life, I suppose recognizing my boundless creativity and my imposter friends would be considered forward progress so, okay, I’m still with you.

To see a reptile in your dream symbolizes your basic urges, instincts and suppressed desires. Ummm…yeah, okay, I think this is a safe place to officially draw the line. Let’s just call it a (REALLY) weird dream, okay?

34 Things that Make Me Happy

While reading Lily Collins’ book, Unfiltered, I fell in love with a chapter where she listed things that maker her happy. She made sure to be specific, which I thought was important because it made the list unique to her, and I can only assume made her smile while she was writing it. After reading through her list, I was immediately inspired to make my own. So, here are 34 things that make me happy:

  1. Writing (figured I’d start with an obvious one)
  2. Night driving with loud music
  3. John Cusack movies
  4. Laughing at commercials that shouldn’t be funny
  5. Macaroni & cheese
  6. Watching sports (on TV or in person, both ones I know and new ones I can obsessively ask questions about so I can learn the rules)
  7. Converse shoes
  8. Chocolate milk
  9. Watching awards shows and crying when people achieve their dreams
  10. Getting even one Jeopardy question right
  11. Houseplants (especially those that don’t die right after I buy/plant them)
  12. Fishing
  13. Harry Potter
  14. Finding the perfect gift
  15. Collecting ticket stubs, programs, menus, or any other souvenir I can get when I go somewhere new
  16. Proving myself (and others) wrong
  17. Listening to podcasts when I get ready in the morning
  18. Saying words that end in “-sts” (a.k.a lists, casts, etc. I just love that noise!)
  19. Ice cream in waffle cones
  20. When waiters bring you mints with your bill
  21. A clean house
  22. Making people laugh
  23. Dangly earrings
  24. Excel spreadsheets
  25. Going to church
  26. The Olympics
  27. Trying every single new flavor of Oreo
  28. Crossword puzzles
  29. Dancing at weddings
  30. Requesting Whitney Houston’s, “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” at weddings
  31. A good playlist
  32. Big cozy jackets
  33. Finding weird places to stop/things to look at on road trips (i.e. WLRA’s)
  34. Ending this list on my lucky number (17) multiplied by 2. (a.k.a nerdy math-ish things)

My Google Search History

Did you know there is a limit of Internet windows you can have open on your phone? Did you know that it is extremely possible to reach that limit?

Well I do, and I have…5 times.

The first time was an accident—well actually, every single time has been an accident. I’m just a very curious person who will Google anything and everything, if only to level up in the fun fact department. Though I suppose that doesn’t necessarily explain why I never close any windows. Maybe I subconsciously keep them open in case I need to refer to them later, like it’s my own personal detective’s notebook. Or, more than likely, I just Google something and then turn my phone off and never think about it again.

Regardless, as I am once again approaching the window limit, I thought I might look back at (at least some of) what got me there. Let’s take a dive into the mind of past-Kim.

(Wait, is this a good idea?)

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1) Dodgers radio

My best guess why: I was desperately trying to find a way to listen to the games leading up to the playoffs and ultimately the World Series…which we ended up losing. Ouch. The wound is still fresh, let’s move on.

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2) How long are diced tomatoes good for?

My best guess why: It was a classic “I’m so glad I saved this Tupperware of diced tomatoes so I can make the most of the groceries I bought. But, uhhh, are these still any good though? Strictly speaking, what are my odds of dying if I eat these?” You know, one of those conversations you have with yourself—too often, probably—and so you turn to the Internet for guidance. FYI: when stored in a Tupperware, diced tomatoes are good for one week in the fridge.

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3) The best of 80s fashion

My best guess why: A friend of the family was having an 80’s themed birthday party and my mom and I were at Target next to the chokers trying to figure out if we wanted to go halfway or all out. Spoiler alert: we went all out.

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4) Cajeta

My best guess why: Whenever I go out to eat and find an ingredient on the menu I don’t recognize, I look it up both for educational purposes, and to ensure I don’t accidentally order something spicy because I’m a giant baby and would start profusely sweating/crying/begging for milk, etc. FYI: it’s essentially caramelized goat’s milk.

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5) Prohibition Facts

My best guess why: Your guess is as good as mine. I have no idea when or where I would have needed/wanted to drop knowledge about Prohibition, but apparently that conversation happened at some point.

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6) Last minute Halloween costume ideas

My best guess why: I’m really not a Halloween person, so “last minute costume ideas” is really just code for, “someone made me dress up this year.” That being said however, I’d like to think my costume this year wasn’t a complete and total failure. I put on my best set of nerdy glasses and a dinosaur shirt I bought at a greeting card store, and then I spent a solid hour gluing Smarties to my pants, thus transforming me into “Smarty Pants.” Fun fact: my sister stabbed plastic knives into cereal boxes to become a “Cereal Killer.” Sorry not sorry for the puns.

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7) Chow Chow Dog Yoga

My best guess why: My sister gave my dad a “Dogs Doing Yoga” calendar for Christmas last year and this image headed one month:

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It instantly became one of my favorite images of all time and so sometimes when I’m feeling down I give it a glance. It’s almost a foolproof strategy for joy, if you’re ever looking for one.

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8) Rapper with Pointy Teeth

My best guess why: My roommate asked me, “have you ever seen that rapper with the pointy teeth?” And then I said, “What are you talking about?” And then Google was like, you mean THIS GUY:

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I’m still traumatized.

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9) GOTR abbreviation

My best guess why: While on vacation in Colorado last year, my best friend and I saw Needtobreathe in concert at Red Rocks Amphitheater. As we waited for the show to start, we came across a guy in a shirt that said “GOTR” across the front. A Google search would reveal the initials represented a band called Ghost of the Robot, but before doing so we decided to make out best guesses:

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10) Brian & Brittney Kelley Fashion

My best guess why: In September of last year I went to a Florida Georgia Line concert where I was showed a series of photos of the band, some of which included this jacket:

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Upon arriving home that evening and over the course of the next few weeks, I was OBSESSED with finding this jacket, unfortunately to no avail, and this website is a residual breadcrumb. It’s the clothing brand of one of the lead singers of the band, which I’m pretty sure I tried to put a hex on after sifting through every single page of the website at two in the morning and coming up empty. Apologies for that, Brian and Brittney, I’m sure the clothes are lovely if not severely overpriced and completely lacking the one item I was looking for. I’m totally over it though. I’m not bitter and I’m not spiraling back into Google to find the jacket that I still need would very much enjoy owning. I’m totally in contro…