fun

I Can’t Pee in the Ocean

You’ve read the title. You know what we’re here to talk about.

It’s an overshare, but we’re moving on.

I, Kim, cannot pee in the ocean. This is a fact of not only my adult life, but my life for as long as I can remember. Or at least since the day I figured out that the ocean is kind of scary and may or may not swallow you up if you aren’t careful.

The ocean just gives me a lot of anxiety.

The beach? Love it.

What’s not to love about a place where it’s not only encouraged to lie around without pants on, but to do so with snacks and a drink close by, AND to nap at least once while you’re there?

If you give me a book, some pretzels and a hoodie, you can do whatever you want in the ocean and I’ll be right there waiting for you hours later—most likely sunburned in a place I could have swore I put sunscreen on, and wondering if there’s a popup ice cream shop somewhere. All of this comes crashing down however, when there are no bathrooms.

Which was the case this past weekend.

It was a lovely Saturday afternoon. My sister and I had made the (only slightly) trafficky drive to the beach and were set to spend our afternoon there. Since it was later in the day, we hadn’t brought any snacks because we didn’t want anything to take away from the tacos we were planning on devouring that evening.

We were at what you might call a secret spot so there were no bathrooms in sight, which wouldn’t have been a problem if I didn’t realize I had to pee the moment we stepped onto the sand.

“It’s fine,” I said, “I’m fine.”

She was not fine, said the narrator.

For the next half hour or so, we lay in the sand, my sister studying for an upcoming test and me reading a chapter of a book I will definitely have to reread.

“Do you want to walk down to the water?” my sister said, faux casually.

I thought about saying, “yeah, sure, I just love the water,” but we both would have known I was full of garbage and we also both knew that my only thought for every single one of the last 30 minutes was: I have to pee I have to pee I have to pee I have to pee I have to pee.

Needless to say, we walked down to the water.

I was feeling roughly 0% confident, seeing as my record of peeing in the ocean in the last, say, 10 years of my life was 0. But I had to go, you know? And so I trailed behind her, wondering how many of our fellow beach patrons were pointing and saying, “she’s definitely going to pee in the ocean, let’s watch.”

If they were watching—which, gross­—they would have seen little more than me hopping around, quietly shrieking and gasping and unnecessarily cursing. At one point a wave came in higher than I thought and water splashed up into my eye. Another time I thought I might maybe kind of a little bit go pee, but then I saw a flock of birds and got distracted and so it went away.

Eventually, after thirty minutes of not being able to pee in ocean, I trudged up the beach, lay back down on my towel and re-opened my book.

The good news was that the exorbitant amount of anxiety the water had given me had essentially scared the pee into some back corner of my body. So for the next hour I was able to lie there and read without wondering if my bladder was going to explode, causing Shonda Rhymes to use my story on an episode of Grey’s Anatomy. The bad news was the breeze picked up and my pantsless, unable-to-retain-body-heat existence started to shiver the pee out of hibernation. Thus, around 6:00 p.m. we packed up our bags, made the walk back to our car and drove totally over the speed limit to the taco joint. #criminal #gottafleetofreethepee

In conclusion, I peed.

It wasn’t in the ocean and it probably won’t ever be, but I peed.

To everyone out there whose bladder has got no motion in the ocean, you’re not alone. And to everyone who can’t relate to this story in any way,  you know a lot about my bladder now and I apologize.

If You Have Time to Kill, Take These Personality Tests

This past weekend my sister and I dove into the world of personality tests.

While I like to think we know each other pretty well, and we know ourselves even better, you can never really know enough, you know?

Us humans are complicated things, so it’s nice to gain some insight into why we might do the things we do, in the way we do them, at the time we do them. And while therapy is a necessary and wonderful thing, sometimes it’s nice to put entirely too much trust into tests on the Internet and then evaluate your entire life as you sit in your living room watching a baseball game.

So yeah, you could say we had a wild weekend.

If you are looking to learn a little bit more about yourself, or just have 20-30 minutes to kill, give these a try.

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1) Your Love Language

This will teach you about what you consider to be love and how you need it to be expressed/shown to you.

My Result: Quality Time

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Find the test here.

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2) Enneagram Test

This will tell you about your personality and where it fits in to the nine major types.

My result: Type 3, “The Achiever”

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Find the test here.

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3) Enneagram Test with Instinctual Variant

This is a shorter version of the enneagram test that asks you to rate yourself on specific personality traits.

My result: Type 3w2 with a Self Preservation Variant

Find the test here (just below the last one)

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4) The 16 Personalities Test

This is essentially an extension of the enneagram test that measures your personality against 16 different types.

My result: The Advocate (Type INFJ-T)

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Find the test here.

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5) Which Type of Potato are You?

Because, well, don’t you want to know?

My result:

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Find the test here.

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I cannot and will not claim any responsibility for any emotional confusion/identity crises that may result in the taking of these quizzes. I will, however, take full blame for anyone craving potatoes at work today. I’m looking at you, scalloped.

Castles, Cliffs, and a Horse Named Peppy (Our European Adventure: Day 2&3)

Friday June 14th, 2019:

Upon meeting our Airbnb host Carmel the evening before, she gave us a rundown of the house she’d so graciously rented to us for the next two nights. She also gave us a guidebook of the area and pointed out some of her favorite things that we might want to add to our itinerary.

Waking the next morning, feeling only slightly disoriented by the fact that we were on vacation in Europe and not at home getting ready for work, our group made breakfast in the kitchen. Carmel provided us with a wide variety of snacks, including waffles (that weren’t frozen?), fresh fruit, and something called “breakfast pudding” that none of us were brave enough to take out of the refrigerator.

Our first stop of the morning was Belvedere House Gardens & Park—a Mullingar locale that none of us had heard of but came highly recommended by Carmel.

The morning offered slightly cloudy skies and a chill in the air none of us were quite ready for, but we bundled up and headed out, my dad and Uncle Bruce taking the wheel and bravely setting off the on “wrong” side of road once again.

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Being a Friday morning, Belvedere House was not overly crowded, and we were able to saunter and explore at our own pace, flipping the hoods of our raincoats off and on as the rain came in spurts.

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We took a tour of the house, marveling at its architecture and grandeur, walked the grounds, and strolled through the fairy garden.

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Overall it was a very charming and welcome start to our day, and the perfect pit stop en route to the day’s main attraction: the Cliffs of Moher.

You know, these old things.

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We spent a good two hours here, blessed with a sunny sky and only periodic gusts of high wind that made my dad close his eyes and ask us to please stand at least 4 miles from the edge.

Among the many (hundreds?) (thousands?) of pictures we took, my sister and I made sure to get another hair by the Cliffs shot, paying homage to those we took a few years ago.

And I got to recreate one my of my favorite shots from our trip—this time with my brother in tow.

Quick sidenote: Can we talk about how tiny my hands look compared to his?

From the Cliffs of Moher, we headed to Galway, my cousin Taryn’s favorite city from her stay in Ireland, and she took us to her favorite pizza place (Mizzoni’s) and her favorite bar (The Skeff).

As we hung out and listened to live music from Vicaria Band, my sister and I introduced the gang to our favorite Irish born drink: Jameson and ginger ale, which aided in our table’s karaoke performances of Britney Spears, Tina Turner and Darius Rucker (among others).

The drive back to Mullingar, while a little long and dark, again provided us a place to call home and the group of us sat around the living room, sipping on nightcaps and laughing our way through the memories of the day. This was our last night in Mullingar, but Carmel and Fintan promised to send us off with a bang, and at 9:00 a.m. the next morning, that bang arrived in style.

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Saturday June 15th, 2019:

BANG.

Okay, so it wasn’t really a bang. It was more of a knock. Two or three of them. And then a call into the house: “Peppy and I are ready for ya!”

As you might (never) have guessed, Peppy was a horse, and Fintan ushered us outside to meet him, and take us on ride in the Peppy-drawn carriage.

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Pro tip: if you are ever given the opportunity to go on a carriage ride through the Irish countryside, say yes. There is truly no better way to start your morning.

After each family got a ride, we loaded back into our cars, waved goodbye to Carmel and Fintan (and Peppy) and got on the road to Cork.

Just under three hours later, we pulled into the parking lot at Blarney Castle.

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Now, Blarney Castle was a favorite from our last trip, mostly because of how beautiful both the castle and the grounds are, but also because of the undeniably funand for some, understandably terrifyingprospect of kissing the Blarney Stone to receive the “gift of the gab”. For a full recap of what that means, you can check out this post, but to keep it brief: you lie on the ground, have an Irish man help you more or less hang off a ledge at the top of the castle, and then kiss a thousand year old rock.

Legend says that after you kiss the rock you will be blessed with eloquent speaking abilities, though for anyone afraid of either heights or, more commonly I assume, being held over a ledge one hundred feet in the air, the sheer anticipation of kissing the rock can bring out profanity as eloquent as anything I’ve ever heard.

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To come down from the excitement/danger/fun/terror (depending on the person) we walked around the grounds, once again surprised by how beautiful everything is, though slowly getting used to the fact that Ireland is simply, consistently, even reliably beautiful. (Hear that, Irish tourism department? Reliably Beautiful. Call me.)

Our hotel for the night was the River Lee in Cork. While it was tough finding accommodations that fit a group of nine, or even a family of more than three, the River Lee was beautiful and we settled in nicely to three rooms, each with three single beds. (I found a great deal on Orbitz.com!)

We also enjoyed—once could argue too much—the hotel restaurant, where we spent a large chunk of time eating and eating and drinking and eating before heading out in search of one (or three) Irish pubs, where we spent the rest of the night drinking and drinking and laughing and dancing and singing our hearts out.

One request, Ireland pubs: play more Whitney Houston.

Other than that, you’re perfect.

May/June Favorites

I just want everyone to know that as I typed this I was eating popcorn. But not just any popcorn. Microwave popcorn. But not just any microwave popcorn. A bag of PERFECTLY POPPED microwave popcorn.

That’s right folks. I have achieved perfection. I did not burn a single kernel, nor leave a single one unpopped. I have officially peaked.

So…yeah.

Anyway.

Here are some of my favorite things from May and June:

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Podcasts

I have always loved Lauren Conrad, all the way back to her days on The OC. So when I heard she was starting her own podcast, I was pretty much immediately sold, especially if it was going to include helpful tips from people she admires, because then maybe I could take those tips and use them to turn into Lauren Conrad. Not really. But kind of, you know? (find it here)

The Wild is one of the more unique podcasts I’ve found. It follows the adventures of ecologist Chris Morgan as he tracks animals and explores nature in the Pacific Northwest. It’s cool to listen to each episode and visualize the landscapes he describes all while sitting at my desk or making my morning commute. (find it here)

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Books

I want to say I was completely shocked by how much I loved Uncommon Type, Tom Hanks’ book of short stories, but, like, it’s Tom Hanks, so of course it was going to be wonderful and charming. I listened to the audiobook and it was honestly like hearing Woody tell me bedtime stories…during the day…that didn’t make me sleepy. All I’m saying is it was great. (find it here)

I’m not all that great at reading suspenseful books because I don’t have the patience to wait for the big reveal at the end. But somehow Kate M. McManus makes the surprise ending in both this book and One of Us is Lying tolerable to wait for because the characters are interesting and relatable and I can never figure out which way the twist is going to, well, twist. (find it here)

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Movies

Unicorn Store is the story of a failed artist who moves back in with her parents and takes an office job before being contacted by a man who claims to work for the “unicorn store” and offers to give her a unicorn. My summary makes it sound vaguely creepy but it’s not. I actually LOVED this movie and already know I’ll add it to my shuffle of movies I like to watch on lazy days. (find it on Netflix)

Booksmart is Olive Wilde’s directorial debut that was getting so much hype when it first hit theaters. People were calling it the new, female version of Superbad, which, after seeing it, I can understand why. I recently watched it on Netflix and not only laughed through the entire thing, but danced. This movie has a badass soundtrack, y’all! I highly recommend it for any and all of these reasons. (find it on Netflix)

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TV Shows

I have pretty much recommended The Society to anyone who will listen—mostly for selfish reasons, because I just want to have people to talk about it with. It’s an apocalyptic, Lord of the Flies-esque show that follows a group of teens who have to figure out what to do after their entire town disappears. (find it on Netflix)

Dead to Me was recommended by my roommate and though I was slow to start it, once I got going I couldn’t stop. It follows a woman whose husband is killed in a hit and run accident, and her friendship with a woman she meets in a grief support group afterwards. I laughed and gasped through the whole thing and already can’t wait until season two. (find it on Netflix)

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Music

I haven’t really been listening to specific albums over the last two months but I have been finding a lot of songs that just make me want to JAM. So, in case you’re in the market for some bops, pull these guys up on Spotify, stretch a little, and then dance your heart out.

1) Too Close by Rainsford

2) Dancing on My Own by Elle Fanning

3) Thief by Ookay

4) Walk Man by Tiny Meat Gang

5) You Need to Calm Down by Taylor Swift

6) Truth Hurts by Lizzo

7) Look What God Gave Her by Thomas Rhett

8) To Whom it May Concern by Sam Spiegel, CeeLo Green, Theophilus London, Alex Ebert

9) Imagination by Foster the People

10) Boys by Lizzo

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Birkenstocks

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After years of thinking about purchasing a pair of these, I finally pulled the trigger at the beginning of this month and BOY WAS I WASTING TIME NOT OWNING THESE. I’ve already broken them in so they officially have that comfy footprint in the sole that is like a hug for my feet every time I put them on and did I mention you are wasting time not owning these?! They are a little on the pricey side for my usual shoe purchase but they are worth every penny. (find them here)

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Double Lacrosse Ball

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After my brother starting playing lacrosse, my family discovered the wonder of rolling out our back muscles with a lacrosse ball. So when I found this on Amazon—a double lacrosse ball that does twice the work in half the time—I knew I was on to something. If you’re someone who struggles with tension in either your back or shoulders I highly recommend one of these! Plus, they’re cheap! You get a set of two for just over ten dollars. #blessed (find them here)

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Have anything you’ve been loving over these last couple months? Let me know! My Amazon cart is always open…

See my previous favorites post here.

The Last Thing on My Phone (Part 2)

By now you probably know that I am a very curious person who loves gathering information. You also probably know that I’m a little nosey—because what curious person isn’t? So when I found this series on YouTube, I could hardly resist.

It’s been almost a year since we did our first deep dive into our phones, so I figured it was about time we checked back in.

Here were the results:

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1) What is the last photo you took?

Rachel: Mine is of this color coordinated clothing rack:IMG_5236

Natalee: Mine is of this creature on my plant. Look at this creepy crawly:

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Me: Mine is of this clock from our friend Taylor’s house. I just really liked it…

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2) What is the last thing you Googled?

Natalee: “Hitchhiker’s to the galaxy plot.” I need to know it for work so I cheated.

Rachel: “Aladdin.” I was looking at showtimes.

*collective pause to discuss the new Aladdin movie*

Kim: “Rompers for men.” I couldn’t remember what they were called. (They are called “Romp-hims” by the way.)

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3) What is your last text?

Rachel: Oh, this was funny. It was texted to me to describe the way I talk about things. It says, “I didn’t hate it, so there’s that. ‘The Rachel Liner Story.'”

Natalee: It was to the family group chat talking about all the things we are looking forward to on our trip and I said, “Amen to all of that!”

Kim: Mine is also about our trip. I said to dad, “Beer is on the agenda!”

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4) How many alarms do you have set?

Rachel: I only have three but I just reset them.

Me: Oh, I have a lot. I think even more than last time. I have eight.

Natalee: I have six. They range from 5:45 a.m. to 6:20 p.m. Not sure what that 6:20 p.m. one is from but I’m guessing it was probably a nap.

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5) What are your most frequently used emojis?

Rachel: These are my top used: heavy-black-heart_2764face-throwing-a-kiss_1f618thumbs-up-sign_emoji-modifier-fitzpatrick-type-1-2_1f44d-1f3fb_1f3fbsmiling-face-with-smiling-eyes_1f60a but I also really love this one: woman-shrugging-type-3_1f937-1f3fc-200d-2640-fe0f

Me: thumbs-up-sign_1f44dheavy-black-heart_2764face-with-tears-of-joy_1f602smiling-face-with-heart-shaped-eyes_1f60dsmiling-face-with-smiling-eyes_1f60a Yeah, that’s me in a nutshell.

Natalee: face-with-tears-of-joy_1f602white-smiling-face_263ayellow-heart_1f49bflushed-face_1f633woman-facepalming-type-3_1f926-1f3fc-200d-2640-fe0f This is my favorite though: face-with-rolling-eyes_1f644 It’s the best one ever made.

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6) What is your last voicemail?

Me: Mine is from [my best friend] Allison. She was just calling to chat but spent a good portion of the message complimenting my voice on the voicemail so that was sweet.

Natalee: See if you can guess mine.

*plays message*

“Hey noodlepop!—

Me: —Kristine [Natalee’s best friend.] Not a lot of other people -are out there calling you noodlepop. (For reference, Kristine calls me “Kim-age” so it’s safe to say her nicknames are supreme.)

Rachel: Oh wait, I have a really good one. It’s from this guy offering to lower the payment on my student loans. I mean, what kind of scam does Jonathan think I’m gonna fall for?

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7) What is the last selfie you took?

Me: The last picture I took with me actually holding the phone and volunteering for my photo to be taken was this one of Mel and I. Aren’t we pretty?

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Natalee: Mine is with Amanda. We were a little day drunk and so we thought, “hey, let’s day a picture of us being day drunk” and, well, we look pretty day drunk.

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Rachel: I’m not really in this one but I did take it and it’s when Dylan and I were with the rhinos.

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8) What is the last app you downloaded?

Natalee: Mine is a little basic, but it’s Instastories because for a minute there I was considering making my Instagram stories a little fancier but I haven’t used it yet.

Rachel: The McDonald’s app. I got it to try and collect on those chicken nuggets we won at the Dodger game [at every home game fans in attendance win free chicken nuggets if the Dodgers score six runs or more] Also pro-tip, I don’t think you even have to be at the game to get those nuggets. They just show up in the app… It’s a big deal and no one’s talking about.

Me: Happify. I downloaded it yesterday because I saw it mentioned in an article online, but I don’t really know what it does yet.

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9) What is the last podcast you listened to?

Rachel: Blackout. It’s with Rami Malek. I’ve only listened to the first couple but it’s pretty good.

Natalee: SLP’s Wine and Cheese. It’s where I listen to SLP’s (speech language pathologist—my sister’s future job title) talk about their caseload and drink wine at the end of a long week.

Me: Case Closed. It’s that podcast about solved murder cases that I got into. The second season has been way better than the first. The first season was just about a bad criminal. I mean, if you’re going to murder someone and try to cover it up, at least do a good job.

Rachel: Amen.

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10) What is the last note you made?

Natalee: “Angelina’s across from the Louvre known for drinking chocolate.” It’s a suggestion I got from a friend about something we should do while we’re in Paris.

Me: Mine is a suggested packing list for dad—with witty commentary.

Rachel: Mine was my target list and the best part about looking at it again right now is that I totally forgot I bought these chai teas, but they are definitely in the fridge downstairs and I’m very excited about it.

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So in case you’re ever wondering if these posts are important, or if you’re curious about taking a little dive into your own phone, remember, there might be a chai tea in your fridge that you totally forgot about, so take the dive. It’s worth it.

31 Good Things that Happened in May

Hello and welcome back to another edition of All the Good Things, a monthly series where I highlight all the good things (get it?) that happen in each 30-day (or so) span. I hope it can be a reminder that amongst all the well known bad, there is a lot of undercover good happening in our world.

Let’s dive right in

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1) This man adopted a deaf puppy and taught it sign language

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2) This little guy hijacked a school performance in the best way

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3) History was made when this drone delivered an organ in a successful transplant

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4) This 🙂

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5) This celebrity chef offered to hire a cafeteria worker that was fired for giving a student free food

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6) This boy wrote his teacher a touching note

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7) This man paid off an entire graduating class’ student loan debt

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8) This little girl saved her friend from choking one day after learning the Heimlich maneuver

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9) This huge child exploitation bust resulted in arrests and rescues

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10) This whale returned a phone that was dropped in the water

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11) This lawsuit win for a small Amazonian tribe saved hundreds of acres of rainforest

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12) This cellist received over $100,000 in donations to help him go to college

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13) Parkland High School dedicated a page in their yearbook for therapy dogs

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14) Adam Sandler hosted SNL for the first time in 24 years and paid tribute to Chris Farley

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15) This man took a sloth back home

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16) This former janitor earned a nursing degree from the school he used to clean

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17) This guy fell…artistically

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18) This man shared a magical story about his time working at Disney

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19) This artist created animal beds out of used street tires

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20) This woman, known as “waving granny”, got a heartfelt goodbye from the kids she used to wave to every day.

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21) Quarterback Russell Wilson bought his mom a house

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22) These parents celebrated becoming empty nesters in the best way

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23) This 93 year old woman earned a college degree

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24) These guys put a camera on a sushi conveyor belt and got a fun result

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25) This woman threw out a hilariously memorable first pitch at the White Sox game.

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26) This woman received a photo of her cat from a neighbor

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27) Memorial Day

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28) Jennifer Garner gave an amazing commencement speech

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29) These kids sang their hearts out

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30) These dogs became best friends

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31) And THIS:

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Wanna know the best part? There is SO much I didn’t include.

I can’t wait to see what June brings!

You can view last month’s post here.

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Learning Internet Slang (Part 3)

One of my favorite series that I do on my blog, and probably one of the most requested is when I teach my family (and myself, honestly) current slang terms that are circulating the internet. It’s always both fun to see what they come up with, and educational in that we often start using the words in the context we create because it’s way more fun than the actual definition.

This time around we also had our friend Cody in town, and it proved that for these posts, the more the merrier.

Here’s how they did:

1) Has Left the Chat

Urban Dictionary Definition: when someone has left some kind of impact, typically bad, that forces a person or group of people to check out or leave out of embarrassment or disinterest.

Natalee’s Guess: When you’re in a group chat and somebody gets roasted and then they say,  “woah,” and they leave the chat because it’s been too much.

Dad’s Guess: When you leave a conversation but you don’t think that anybody else knows you left.

Mom’s Guess: When you’re really done with a conversation and so you leave.

Cody’s Guess: When people are gaming and someone stops responding and so everyone goes, “Hey, where’s mike?” He left the chat.

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2) Skrrt

Urban Dictionary Definition: to move away, get away from somebody

Natalee’s Guess: Well it’s in an Ariana grande lyric from her song “Imagine.” “Step up to the two of us, nobody knows us, get in the car like skrrt. So going off of that I think it means we gotta go, we wanna get home and you know.

Dad’s Guess: When there’s a good looking girl around and so you say, “Bro, skrrt!

Mom’s Guess: When you see somebody and they’re eyeing you but you’re not interested so you say,  “No thank you, skrrt!”

Cody’s Guess: Making a move to the side.

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3) Mood

Urban Dictionary Definition: used to express something relatable, or to sum up your life

Natalee’s Guess: When you’re describing something that is extra. Like if someone said they are eating a bunch of McDonalds after work, that’s a whole mood. 

Dad’s Guess: I think it’s the combination of “dude” and “mood” to describe when two dudes are having a moment of friendship, a mood.

Mom’s Guess: When you’re trying it get in to a club and you say,  “Mood dude, let me in.”

Cody’s Guess: When a good song comes on, that’s a big mood.

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4) Thicc

Urban Dictionary Definition: when a person has fat in all the right places, creating sexy curves

Natalee’s Guess: Do you remember that movie Summer Catch? There was a guy in that movie, Marcus, and he loved thicc women.

Dad’s Guess: It’s a polite way of saying that you are not into someone, you say, “they are tough, they are thicc.”

Mom’s Guess: A lot of woman.

Cody’s Guess: Girls with big butts.

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5) Glow Up

Urban Dictionary Definition: an incredible transformation.

Natalee’s Guess: All I can think of are those Instagram posts that got popular a couple months back where everyone was saying “then vs. now”.

Dad’s Guess: When you want to go out but you don’t want to get recognized so you put on a disguise, you glow up.

Mom’s Guess: When you’re going out on the town to party, you’re going out to get glowed up.

Cody’s Guess: Getting all prettied up to go out.

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6) Let’s Get This Bread

Urban Dictionary Definition: a phrase originally used to mean “let’s get money”.  Nowadays, the term”let’s get this bread” is more loosely defined as a sort of battlecry in a sense, calling upon the will of the person(s) to succeed, not necessarily in just gaining monetary fund.

Natalee’s Guess: The night is young, let’s get this bread, we have so much to accomplish.

Dad’s Guess: When you’re trying to help your friend get a girl you would say, “hey man, you’re butter, go get that bread.”

Mom’s Guess: When you’re wanting to, you know, get some, you want to get some bread. 

Cody’s Guess: It means to get money, to go out and have a good day.

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7) Smol Bean

Urban Dictionary Definition: someone who is innocent and/or adorable

Natalee’s Guess: It ain’t no big deal, it ain’t nothin’ but a smol bean.

Dad’s Guess: Maybe the opposite of thicc? Like a super skinny girl.

Mom’s Guess: She’s too young for you, she’s just a smol bean.

Cody’s Guess: You’d say it to someone to put them down, like, “you’re nothing, you’re just a smol bean!”

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8) Phubbing

Urban Dictionary Definition: snubbing someone in favor of your phone. 

Natalee’s Guess: Fibbing is kind of like lying, and fat with ph means something is cool, so maybe “phubbing” is lying to go somewhere cool.

Dad’s Guess: Being someone’s substitute spouse for the night, like you’re subbing for the real one.

Mom’s Guess: When you go on a binge, like, “woah, that was way too many Oreos. I’ve been phubbing all night.”

Cody’s Guess: I think it’s a replacement for “fucking” like, you’ve gotta be phubbing kidding me.

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9) Bruh

Urban Dictionary Definition: word you say when someone says something stupid.

Natalee’s Guess: A term of endearment. “That guy over there, he’s my bruh.”

Dad’s Guess: It’s just like, “what up, bruh?”

Mom’s Guess: I was also thinking it was a term of endearment for your friend.

Cody’s Guess: It’s like, “Come on, bruh, what are you doing?”

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10) Ratchet

Urban Dictionary Definition: of poor quality; very bad

Natalee’s Guess: This is an adjective and it is used to describe someone who is doing the most in the trashiest of ways.

Dad’s Guess: When you wanna kick things up a notch. “Hey guys, let’s get some Jameson and ratchet.”

Mom’s Guess: When somebody looks like a mess.

Cody’s Guess: Someone who is gross. “Bruh, she’s ratchet.”

 


 

See the previous edition of this post here.

My Google Search History (Part 4)

So you know how I have that tendency to keep Internet windows open? Well I have officially reached a new level of insane. When I scrolled through and looked this past week, I had over 80 windows open. EIGHTY.

I must be stopped.

OR

I must continue. Because continuing means more of these posts, which, while giving you mild concern for my attachment to internet windows, also provide you with at least mildly interesting facts you might not have otherwise learned, right?

Maybe?

I don’t know.

All I know is that I’m probably going to keep doing it, and I hope you’ll mildly benefit in the process. So, diving right in, over the past few months, my Google search history can be broken down into four main categories:

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1) Recipes

Because I’m always propping my phone at perilous angles while I cook.

Here are some of the recipes I’ve recently Googled:

  1. Italian Spaghetti Squash
  2. Persimmon Pudding Cake
  3. Jalapeno-Goat Cheese Grilled Stuffed Mini Peppers
  4. Penne with Butternut Squash and Goat Cheese
  5. Quinoa Enchilada Stuffed Delicata Squash
  6. Roasted Sweet Potatoes and Red Onions with Feta

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2) Questions About Food

Because while food is delicious, it’s also…kind of mysterious?

Here are some of the questions I’ve Googled, the answers (if you’re wondering) are in italics.

  • How long are chips good after their expiration date?
    • 2-3 months.
  • Is there gluten in tortilla chips?
    • If they are made from corn tortillas, no. 
  • Iron rich foods to add to your diet?
  • Do you refrigerate brussel sprouts?
    • Yes, in the vegetable drawer. 
  • How long are chopped onions good in the refrigerator?
    • 7 to 10 days.
  • When are peaches in season?
    • May – late September.
  • What is a good snack to have before bed?
    • According to this article, some good options are a cup of almond milk, seasonal fresh fruit, dark chocolate covered popcorn, whole wheat bread with peanut butter, greek yogurt or cottage cheese. 
  • What foods trigger breakouts?
  • How can you tell if your eggs are bad?
    • This article gives this suggestion for a Fresh Egg Water Test: “Fill a bowl with water, and carefully place an egg on top. If the egg sinks like a stone, laying down on its side — it’s still very fresh! If it sinks but doesn’t lay flat — and instead it kind of stands up, wobbling — your egg is OK and probably just right for hard-boiling. If the egg floats on the top, that’s an indication that your egg is possibly past its prime.” 

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3) General Questions

I feel like these need at least a little explanation.

  • How often should you water a succulent?
    • Why I Googled this: I was gifted a succulent and I was afraid I was going to kill it. (Which I eventually did.)
    • The answer: At least once a week.
  • Can pets get altitude sickness?
    • Why I Googled this: We took our dogs to the mountains and our huskie did not fare well, especially for the first few days. Poor baby.
    • The answer: Yes, here are the symptoms and what to do. 
  • How long can you use toothpaste after the expiration date?
    • Why I Googled this: I found a little tube of travel toothpaste under my sink and I was wondering if it was safe to pack or if I’d start my vacation by rotting my teeth.
    • The answer: 12 to 18 months.
  • Can you dye your hair with easter egg dye?
    • Why I Googled this: I mean, it was Easter, we were dying eggs, our creative juices were flowing and we were wondering if we’d discovered a life hack.
    • The short answer: No.
  • How do you take care of a Tamagotchi?
    • Why I Googled this: One night my roommate came home with a shopping bag and asked us to close our eyes and hold out our hands. She then placed a Tamagotchi in my “adult” hands and I squealed in excitement.
    • The answer: This is the article I read, also I just heard there is now a Tamagotchi app—if you’re looking to adopt a virtual child.
  • What does Gayla Peevey look like?
    • Why I Googled this: It was Christmas time and “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” came on the radio and, you know, I was just curious what the singer looked like. She looks like this:

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4) Rihanna

Someone on Twitter recommended typing “Rihanna” + your birthday into Google images to see what outfit she has worn in the past on that particular day and it did not disappoint. Here is the top result for my birthday (September 5th):

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And so concludes another deep dive into my search history. I’ve once again closed all of my windows, giving my phone some room to breathe…for a little while at least.


 

You can read the part 3 of this series here. 

So Much “Back”

You know those trains of thought that you come across on long drives that take on a life of their own?

The ones that, when you get to where you’re going and start to tell whoever your with about them, they tend to lose steam, but since you’ve been ruminating on them for so long you have to tell someone, if only to get the damn things out of your head?

That’s where I’m at with this.

So bear with me. And maybe join me if you feel so inclined.

Here it is: Have you ever noticed how many English phrases use the word “back”?

I’m sorry, what? – You, probably.

Allow me to elaborate:

1) Throwback – as in “throwback Thursday” or any basic caption for old photos or memories.

2) Out back – as in “Where’s dad?” “Out back.” Or, “do you have anymore ice cream out back?” “No, you ate it all.” (Not to mention “the Outback” which refers to the western region of Australia)

3) Step back – as in the literal, physical motion of moving backward or the figurative action of regrouping and retracing.

4) Kick back – as in kick back and relax, or I’m having a kickback at my house.

5) Jump back – as in, hold on, rewind, say whatever you just said again. (Note: I’ve only ever heard this used in the movie Footloose, but I’m still counting it.)

6) Circle back – as in, “I forgot my wallet at home, circle back so I can grab it.” Or, “I think I saw a parking spot around the corner, let’s circle back.”

7) Call back – as in, “I got a call back!” (mostly used the acting/casting world)

So…yeah.

I just…

Isn’t that funny?

Weird?

The tiniest bit interesting maybe?

*smiles politely* – you, undoubtedly.

I’ll go now.

30 Good Things that Happened in April

Hello and welcome back to another edition of All the Good Things, a monthly series where I highlight all the good things (get it?) that happen in each 30-day (or so) span. I hope it can be a reminder that amongst all the well known bad, there is a lot of undercover good happening in our world.

Let’s dive right in

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1) Cherry blossom season arrived in Japan

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2) These students banded together to help our their fellow classmate

 

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3) The cast of The Avengers donated $5 million to children’s hospitals across the US

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4) This dad created special, interactive bed sheets for kids in the hospital

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5) This woman found a surprise in the book she was reading

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6) This girl hand painted her graduation dress

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7) This guy switched pants with his fellow student to help him out

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8) This boy started an important discussion in his class

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9) This dad shared a story about the new 49ers draft pick (click this link to read the whole thread)

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10) This boy went viral when he spent his spring break in Miami picking up trash

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11) These strangers were welcoming to a drunk stranger who mistakenly fell asleep in their house after a party

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12) Stephen Colbert and Oscar the Grouch sang a song

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13) Igloo released a new biodegradable cooler

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14) This video game designed to help predict Alzheimer’s disease has showed positive results

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15) This girl, born without hands, won a handwriting contest

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16) In lieu of selfies, this artist has started “dying” at popular destinations

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17) THIS DOG

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18) Robert Irwin introduced Jimmy Fallon to more animals

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19) The Shelby County Sheriff’s Office held their first annual egg hunt for the blind

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20) This horse got to live its dream

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21) This London tube station opened a short story vending machine for commuters

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22) This boy danced his heart out

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23) Hundred of pounds of trash were collected on Earth Day in Tampa Bay

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24) This dog caught its tail

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25) This company has started working with the NBA to upcycle traded players’ jerseys

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26) This:

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27) This teen ran a marathon with a titanium spine

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28) This police officer threw a surprise party for a boy after no one showed up to his birthday

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29) This school cafeteria packaged up unused food and sent it home with families in need

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30) Dodger pitcher Clayton Kershaw ran the bases with his kid

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Wanna know the best part? There is SO much I didn’t include.

I can’t wait to see what May brings!

You can view last month’s post here.

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