This past Saturday I had the privilege of being a part of my cousin’s wedding. And though I’ve been to quite a few weddings over the years, I can honestly say it was one of my favorites. I won’t get into the specifics of why, but let’s just say I greatly admire the bride and the groom and they gave out gummy bears, so it was really a no lose type of situation.
Depending on who you are, you might love weddings or hate them. But regardless of your stance, there is a large possibility you will find an invitation to one in your mailbox at some point, and, with little reason not to go, you will end up RSVP’ing “yes.” And whether that yes is bursting with or completely lacking enthusiasm, I’m here to provide you with a fool proof plan of how to enjoy the upcoming nuptials.
1) Find your happy place between fancy and comfortable
One of the hardest parts of going anywhere (i.e. dinner/the grocery store/anywhere outside the pantsless comfort of your own home) is deciding what to wear. However dressing for weddings should not give you this kind of stress, because for the most part no one will be looking at you. (No offense.) And as long as you don’t choose to wear something completely ridiculous (i.e. a wedding dress) or go naked, hardly anyone is going to notice. So save yourself the trouble of googling what “semi-casual super califragilistic formal wear” means and pick something out that you actually feel good in. Something that makes you feel sexy, cool, comfor-fancy.
2) Have a Drink
Chances are, for one reason or another, you’ve earned it and you know why. Maybe the ceremony was emotional, maybe you are clearly the only guest flying solo, or maybe you just want a little extra courage to lead the Cha Cha Slide later. Whatever the reason, jaunt on over to the bar and order yourself something strong. With two straws. Because you’re worth it.
3) Constantly tell the newlyweds they look beautiful/handsome.
You know how you lazed around on the couch for most of the day and then hopped in the shower, threw some curls in your hair, slipped on your comfor-fancy clothes and drove over to the venue with 5 minutes to spare? Yeah, that’s not how the newlyweds spent their day. More than likely they’ve been up since the first alarm you snoozed, combing through literal and figurative knots, hoping they can get married without anyone dying. That being said, they deserve some solid pumps to their ego throughout the night. I’d say one compliment per hour is a good rate. That way you’re not overwhelming them to the point that they think it’s fake, and it gives your level of intoxication time to increase, making your compliments much more creative and amusing.
4) Take your shoes off
Trust me, your legs will still look great without them and your feet with thank you tomorrow.
5) Dance your face off
I’m telling you, there is no better dancing than wedding dancing. I LIVE for wedding dancing. If I could somehow make that my career, I’d do it. Sure, I’d grow weary of the Cupid Shuffle and lifting my hands up to SHOUT! but I’d be in great shape, and I’d get to go to sleep every night knowing that I paid off my student loans by starting conga lines. Wedding dancing is the living, breathing interpretation of “dance like no one’s watching,” only better. When you dance like no one is watching, you flail around freely to the beat of your own drum, but when you dance with everyone while everyone’s watching, you become part of a no judgement flail-for-all and it’s essentially an art form.
6) Request Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance with Somebody”
No explanation needed.
7) Eat Cake
DEFINITELY no explanation needed. I mean, it’s free cake. And if you think about it, what’s not eaten goes to waste, so honestly you’re a bad person if you don’t take some. Be a good person.
8) Shake off the nosy questions
We’ve all had that one relative (related to us or not) approach us at a wedding because they saw the event as a free pass to ask about our personal life.
“So, when are you going to be throwing one of these old things, huh?” Wink wink.
While there’s no real way to prevent the questions from being asked, there is a better way to answer besides the awkward laughing and chugging of wine. How? Well, what is the only thing nosy guests love more than knowing your stance on commitment?
“So, you and Billy seem pretty serious, when will you guys be inviting us to your wedding?”
“Not sure, woman I’ve never met before that has no business asking me this, but the centerpieces at this wedding are absolutely to DIE for.”
“OH MY GOSH I know! Let me tell you, from start to finish, my memory of every centerpiece I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
“You now, there is nothing I’d rather do, except maybe join this conga line! See you never!”
9) Respect your own pace
One of the easiest things to do at a wedding is judge yourself for where you’re at in your own life. But the purpose of a wedding is not to call you out for what you’re doing “wrong”, it’s to celebrate two people who have found something right. And while it’s easy to get caught up in the madness of it all, remember to take note of what’s happening behind all the flowers and pretty dresses. Getting married is no easy task. It’s not all garter tosses and drunken cheers. They’re forever binding themselves to each other, promising to care for one another in good times and in bad. And maybe you’re just not ready for that right now (or ever), and that’s okay. We all move at our own pace in finding and committing ourselves to a “forever”, so don’t feel like you need to find yours just because
someone seemingly everyone you went to college with has already found theirs.
10) Admire, don’t envy
In other words, try to look at the couple like the heart eyed emoji, not the green eyed monster. Because as much as it might hurt to see them as in love as you’d like to be one day, being jealous of their love story does nothing to progress your own. So as you clang your knives against your wine glass at the reception to make them kiss for the hundredth time, don’t look at them as a reminder of what you don’t have, but as a reminder of what you will find one day.