It’s 12:30 am and I’m writing. Now, that may be early or late for you, or it might not matter much at all, but I’m just in one of those moods. I had an idea and I know that it can’t wait. That I have to get it down now.
I’m not unfamiliar to this feeling. In fact, it’s this very feeling that has fully convinced me that I’m a writer, because as it turns out, not everyone will stay up until two in the morning to write a 800 word metaphor about Baked Cheetos.
No, I’m no stranger to this feeling. It’s the reason why I carry a notebook around with me at all times, to jot down ideas when they come so I won’t lose them. Then, when I’m sat in front of my computer, mind open, fingers stretched and ready, I’ll open the notebook, skim through my notes, and search for the idea that needs to be written now.
I’ve had a lot of ideas bumping around lately. A lot of pieces I want to write. Partly because I’ve been feeling very creative, and partly because I’ve been seeing a lot of movies and movies always get me thinking.
I wanted to write a piece about Bleed for This, the movie about boxer Vinny Paz’s legendary comeback after a car accident nearly left him paralyzed. I wanted to write about the moment in the film when he gets in the car. It’s a gloomy day and he tells his dad he’ll be back late. He slides into the passenger’s seat and his friend starts the car, turns the corner and then the camera slowly zooms into the spot in the street the car had just vacated. It felt like the movie was reminding you to take a deep breath, because that was the moment everything was about to change. I thought about how we often have no idea when we’re about to have one of these moments. How we’ve all gotten in that car and turned the corner, not knowing what lay ahead.
I wanted to write a piece about Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the new film that takes place in J.K. Rowling’s magical world. I wanted to write about the new lesson she was teaching us with obscurials: wizards or witches who develop dark and destructive forces as a result of them trying to suppress their magic. I wanted to talk about the magic we have in all of us and the damage we do to ourselves in trying to hide it. About how we rid the world of what we can do when we let others tell us we should no longer do it.
Among others, these ideas bounced around my head. They begged to be written down and to be expressed and to be shared, but as much as I liked them, I never got that feeling. That is, until tonight.
You see tonight, I watched Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life. Now, I don’t know where you stand on Gilmore Girls. I don’t know if my mentioning it has immediately put you on a continuous eye roll loop because you’re tired of hearing about it and wish you’re family/friends/significant others would stop hogging your Netflix account so you can go back to living your life in sans-Gilmore peace. All I know is that I spent my entire evening/night sitting in my parents’ living room watching the 4 new episodes alongside my mom and sister, and when I got home I immediately found myself here, behind this computer, feeling just about every feeling. And as much as I tried to make myself write about those other two ideas, I wanted to write about this. About how when I was sitting there on that couch, drinking wine and laughing and crying and getting lost in the fictional world of Stars Hollow, I felt like Vinny Paz felt in the moment before the moment. I was him smiling and waving to his dad, telling him that he was going to be alright. Because even if that big moment, the life changing moment that would test everything came right after this one, I’d be thankful for this moment because it was absolutely perfect. I felt magic, peace, understanding, like anything I said and did would be okay because I was surrounded by love, by people who would never make me hide from who I am or who I want to be.
So as I drove home I started to think about all these things. About the boxer, the beasts and the Gilmore’s and I realized that they were all teaching me the same thing. That even though we may not all live the same lives, and may often feel as though we don’t even live in the same world as others, we all owe it to ourselves to find that feeling. The feeling that carried Vinny Paz through a doubtful recovery and back into the ring. The feeling that prevents witches and wizards from going dark. The feeling that brought Lorelai and Rory Gilmore home to Stars Hollow, diving headstrong into all the hardships and happiness life has to offer.
We all need to discover our own magic and let it wander free, for it’s the reason we’re all here.