In the final installment of Part 1 (because if all goes according to plan I’ll be watching the rest of the films very soon, which should provoke a Part 2) of this series, I have A LOT of feelings. More than I was ready for. In fact, I hold everyone reading this who has seen this film and did not warn me of the emotional impact completely responsible for the mini-breakdown I had mid-movie. I also blame you for the ice cream I ate afterwards.
Episode VI: The Return of the Jedi
- Here we are. The last film of the first three-film series
- Did they have any idea back then that there would be a ranty brunette girl watching them 30 years later, making commentary, trying to catch up before the eighth episode came out?
- Did they have any idea they’d still be this epic?
- Here we go.
- Okay, I said it once and I’ll say it again, Jabba the Hutt is disgusting.
- Can’t say I’m a fan of his comrades either.
- I’d take Hoth over this place any day.
- Though this place does have some tunes.
- R2! C-3P0! My guys!
- They have a message from Luke.
- What is this plan, Luke?!
- Exchange the droids for Han?
- I don’t know if I’m behind this.
- I mean Han’s a good guy (as it turned out) but R2-D2 and C-3P0 do not deserve to stay here in this awful place watching Jabba the Hutt slobber all over everything.
- I’m not down with this.
- Ah yes, here’s Han! Poor guy. Still frozen as a Disney movie.
- But who’s this bounty hunter lurking around his frozenness?
- She kind of looks like Leia…
- Wait! It is Leia!
- She’s come to give Solo a Han.
- Okay come on that was pretty good.
- Maybe one of my best.
- A Han and Leia kiss!
- I’m into it.
- Uh oh, Leia’s captured.
- And now sporting some sort of golden bikini.
- This is the bikini!
- I finally get that Friends reference now!
- Hey Chewy! Lookin’ good pal.
- Did you grow your hair out?
- We can talk about that later. First, we need to get out of here.
- Oh, okay. The old, diving board loop de loop light saber shoot out move. Smooth, Luke
- Leia: Screw you Jabba, imma murder you in this bikini
- *looks for symbolism in Luke’s lightsaber being green now*
- Okay, we’re free and back with Yoda.
- Why is Yoda moving so slow?
- No, Master Yoda, you can’t die.
- DOES YODA DIE?
- NO ONE TOLD ME YODA DIES.
- HOW DID I NOT KNOW THAT YODA DIES?
- HOW IS THIS NOT A BIGGER DEAL?!?
- “Unexpected this is” – Yoda.
- I’m 100% going to start saying that whenever I’m casually surprised.
- OH MY GOSH HE’S DEAD.
- What in all hell?!
- THIS IS LIKE DOBBY ALL OVER AGAIN
- THIS MOVIE PROVOKES SO MUCH CAPS LOCK
- *Luke learns that Leia is his sister*
- Bet you’re pretty relieved about that, eh Luke? Seeing as she’s clearly chosen your best friend and all.
- Okay, I don’t know what an ewok even is, but I’d like one. Preferrably Wicket, here.
- Luke’s heading to fight Darth!
- Dear Dad, I would totally battle you in order to save you if you became Darth Brian.
- You too, Darth Gina.
- Also, I get the whole *power* thing, but the dark side’s biggest selling point appears to be wrinkles, black cloaks and asthma—pass.
- Note to self: always befriend teddy bears. You never know when they might come in handy against your enemies.
- The Emperor: are you totes mad, Luke?
- Luke: NO
- The Empereor: your feelings betray you!
- I’m super glad people can’t read my mind when I’m nervous or scared. It goes weird places. Things would get awkward.
- Key Fact Learned from Episode VI: I’d like to move to Ewok Forest.
Leave a Reply