Kimberlee K.

A while back I wrote about an inspiring episode of the podcast My Unsung Hero, and today I wanted to share another one that seems particularly relevant.

In Kimberly Godsey’s episode, she tells the story of her time training to be a nurse practitioner and how physician, Dr. Joe Seibert, gave her advice that has stuck with her ever since.

After a consultation with a patient, Dr. Seibert called the patient’s husband and asked him to come to the clinic to be with his wife. He knew from the test results that the woman had pancreatic cancer and didn’t want to deliver that news to her alone.

To Kimberly, he said, “We’re supposed to save lives, but eventually in your career, there will come a time when you can’t save everybody. But what you can do is can change how they experience it.”

Now, a good portion of us aren’t doctors, so we won’t have to deliver life-changing diagnoses like this one. But we might have to give those we love bad news, or to watch them experience tragedy, loss and pain. And there’s nothing we’ll be able to do to fix it, take it away, or take it back.

For those of us that live in California, that last week has seen a lot of destruction and tragedy. Whether you live in an affected area, had friends or family being evacuated, or simply had your eyes on the news, watching, waiting, horrified, there have been some heart wrenching moments and widespread loss. And while it is difficult to be the one walking through loss, it is also difficult to feel helpless as those we love experience it.

This story reminded me that while it’s easy to get caught up in worrying whether we’ll be in the way, that we won’t know what to say or do, or, worse, that we’ll say or do the wrong thing, our ability to positively change a hard experience for someone we love comes simply by being there.

When I think about people that have supported me during difficult seasons in my life, I often don’t remember what they said, I just remember that they were there. That they sat with me through it, they checked in on me, they made me feel less alone, less scared, less overwhelmed, less consumed by grief, panic, or chaos.

Sometimes we can make ourselves feel like it’s our job to do it all, to be the one to eradicate the pain or the problem, but more often than not, we can’t do that. We can walk beside someone as they grieve but we can’t make the walk for them. It’s their walk, and they need to walk it their own way at their own pace, but we can make sure they know they’re not walking it alone.  That’s how we change the experience—making it a little less lonely, a little less confusing, a little less something just by being there.

As we head into the aftermath of these tragic fires, let us try to just be there. With our voices, with our support, with our presence, with our donations. There are so many people who need to know that they are not alone, that they can rebuild, that they can start over. Let us not just look, but act. Call the friend that might need to hear a kind voice, show up for a family member who might need help, be kind to someone who might need it more than you know.

We can change the experience by being the best versions of ourselves, and by reminding those who have lost everything, that there is more left to find.