This is a poem about things I don’t like.
It’s not about love or a trail you can hike.
I’m diving in deep to the stuff that just sucks.
Like spiders and 2 ton death wielding semi-trucks.
I don’t know why I decided to rhyme
Maybe I thought it’d add whimsy, turn a nickel to a dime.
Let’s start with biting your tongue when you’re in mid story
Or getting carded at 23 to see an R-Rated movie
When you watch your phone plummet down to its bitter end
Into the bowl full of your Big Gulp you waited in line to expend.
Afternoons in the summer when your knee pits sweat
Or when an insect you “killed” suddenly resurrects
Every single email sent to you from LinkedIn
And when the person in front of you leaves their blinker blinkin’
Over ripe bananas and milk that’s gone a-chunk
Waking up in the morning with breath that tastes a-funk
Deciding what’s for dinner when there’s nothing in the fridge
Or when the person parked next to you could have moved over just a smidge.
Paper cuts, splinters, and the itch you can’t reach
Having every orifice of your body full of sand from the beach
Empty toilet paper rolls and empty boxes in the pantry
Watching the door shut behind you after you forgot your house key.
Forgetting to set an alarm and getting to work late
Only to find half your hair curled upwards and half of it pointed straight
When the headphones of your iPod go all a-twist
Or your car begins screeching like it needs an exorcist
The moments after winter turns into spring
When your allergies awaken and your snot makes tissues sing
Email after email claiming to get you rich quick
And email after email claiming to give you a big…..
Putting sunscreen on every inch except one
Or the 405 backing up on Saturday just for fun
Stepping on gum or getting gum in your hair
Blowing a bubble too big that catches your faces in a sticky snare
Finding a puddle with your fresh pair of socks
And every single E-trade commercial where infants can talk
There’s also the abundance of forks when you need spoons
Or the terrifying sound of popping balloons
We all have the things that leave us a-muck
They’re the things we just hate; they’re the things that just suck