A Poem for All My Friends Still in Grad School

This one goes out to all the friends

Who feel like their time in school will never end

This one goes out to all the fighters

Who still find themselves pulling weekly all-nighters


I know things are hectic and tiring and crazy

I know weekdays are long and weeknights are hazy

The end seems close, but not close enough

And the days until then look chaotic and rough


But one day all of this will finally be over

And all this hard work will payoff and spillover

You’ll be out there in the world, changing it for the better

With a degree in your hand you’ll be running, unfettered


So hold on today, and hang tight tomorrow

You will cross that finish line, and you will feel your light glow

The hard work won’t be over, new adventures will find you

But the highs and lows of this one will all be behind you


Until then, YOU CAN DO THIS


Does “this” rhyme with “this”? I don’t know, but YOU CAN DO THIS

A Lactose Free Poem for Your Birthday.


Today is my sister’s birthday

And as a result, the poems be flowin’.

This one is for you Shortstack.


Natalee my Natalee,

I hope you like this rhyme from me

You’re used to them by now I’d think

So enjoy this one and down a drink

Not too many though because I don’t like barf

I’d loathe that barf like you love a good scarf

Which is why we have 57 in our closet

Okay not really, 58 if I’m honest.

Sometimes I think about burning them all

But don’t worry I’ll at least hold out until fall


Today is a day when we celebrate you

A day that I’ve celebrated since I was two

That year was rough, when you arrived on the scene

Before that there was just brown hair, brown eyes, just me.

But I suppose you ended up being pretty cool, slightly valuable

Beautiful actually, smart, compassionate and admirable

One of the only people in the world to always make me happy

And to infuriate me to no end when we’re feeling cross and sassy.

But that’s a rarity now since we’re both essentially flawless

Always wondrous, always mature, never strange, unintelligible and lawless.


You’ve listened to every song that I’ve wrote about our dog

And every whiny jingle on why I won’t go for a jog

You listen to the sighs, the cries and the rants,

You let me crank up our music and dance around with no pants

You’ve made me laugh too many times to count

And made me proud an intangible amount

You’ve seen me through it all and so many would agree

You fought through some of the hardest times and come out beautifully free


So remember on this day as I thank you for your you-ness

That I say it with a sincerity and a gratefulness of the truest…

…nature, but not the kind with all the trees and the bugs

More the kind with all the cheesy, sentimental, tear jerking hugs

So eat cake (without eggs) and ice cream (without dairy)

That way your birthday can be diarrhea free and quite merry.


Love you.

Who They Say I Am

Tomorrow marks the first day of October.

It’s a new month, a new season, the perfect time for a fresh start.

That being said, I thought it was the perfect time to reintroduce myself to, well, myself.

Get a little “Hello my name is _____” sticker action.

To do so I thought I would consult today’s best gage of personal identity: Buzzfeed Quizzes and this is what I came up with.
Hello my name is Kim but you can call me Archibald

As in my Gossip Girl spirit animal, Nate

I’m kind, caring, and trustworthy, and going places don’t you worry

Not to mention I’m a total freaking babe.

I’m also known for my swearing, they actually call me the king

Just ask my beloved sitcom soul mate, the illustrious Chandler Bing

Humor, nubbins and awkwardness are sure to fill our days together

I’ll pursue a career in ballet and he’ll forecast the weather

We’ll meet long after my love affair with Gambit of the X-Men

Who will have swept me off my feet then left me crying in the street

Longing for his fuchsia chest plate romancin’

Now that accent you detect isn’t quite what you’d expect

Not the Californian one you thought you’d heard

They say my speech is up to par

With those long drunk in a New England Bar

Chanting “SOX” and trading H’s for my R’s

Like I said my name is Kim but you can call me Gellar

As in Ross, the Friends character I most embody

I have a big heart, bigger brain, and sometimes appear insane

When I perform the big routine at your New Year’s Party

You’ll want me around though, remember me

When the world is overrun by zombies

I’m fearless and fierce, have been called a grammar whiz

And am as adorable as a pack of baby donkeys.

True love, for me, is right around the corner, his type a famous movie star

Though they say I attract musicians, my spirit leaving their chorus wishin’

My Olsen trivia knowledge taking them places deep, wide, shallow, close and far.

And though I have a few minor faults

I’m an adequate adult

Since my secret middle name is Amadeus

I’m more of a cat than a dog

Am 50% apple snob

And will one day contract telekinesis.

Nice to meet you.

Ode to the Suck.

This is a poem about things I don’t like.

It’s not about love or a trail you can hike.

I’m diving in deep to the stuff that just sucks.

Like spiders and 2 ton death wielding semi-trucks.

I don’t know why I decided to rhyme

Maybe I thought it’d add whimsy, turn a nickel to a dime.

Let’s start with biting your tongue when you’re in mid story

Or getting carded at 23 to see an R-Rated movie

When you watch your phone plummet down to its bitter end

Into the bowl full of your Big Gulp you waited in line to expend.

Afternoons in the summer when your knee pits sweat

Or when an insect you “killed” suddenly resurrects

Every single email sent to you from LinkedIn

And when the person in front of you leaves their blinker blinkin’

Over ripe bananas and milk that’s gone a-chunk

Waking up in the morning with breath that tastes a-funk

Deciding what’s for dinner when there’s nothing in the fridge

Or when the person parked next to you could have moved over just a smidge.

Paper cuts, splinters, and the itch you can’t reach

Having every orifice of your body full of sand from the beach

Empty toilet paper rolls and empty boxes in the pantry

Watching the door shut behind you after you forgot your house key.

Forgetting to set an alarm and getting to work late

Only to find half your hair curled upwards and half of it pointed straight

When the headphones of your iPod go all a-twist

Or your car begins screeching like it needs an exorcist

The moments after winter turns into spring

When your allergies awaken and your snot makes tissues sing

Email after email claiming to get you rich quick

And email after email claiming to give you a big…..

Putting sunscreen on every inch except one

Or the 405 backing up on Saturday just for fun

Stepping on gum or getting gum in your hair

Blowing a bubble too big that catches your faces in a sticky snare

Finding a puddle with your fresh pair of socks

And every single E-trade commercial where infants can talk

There’s also the abundance of forks when you need spoons

Or the terrifying sound of popping balloons

We all have the things that leave us a-muck

They’re the things we just hate; they’re the things that just suck