Toothless, Topless, Dreams

I don’t know what it is about me, but I have Weird. Ass. Dreams.

We’re talking, “hey Kim you should really get this checked out by a trained professional, or have someone you trust watch to see if you unconsciously take acid after you fall asleep” type of dreams. But not to worry, a few years back I discovered DreamMoods.com*, which is like a dictionary for dreams chalked with seemingly millions of decoded words and actions, and I’ve been using it ever since to try and make sense of the madness.

*Note: I am in no way sponsored by the folks over at DreamMoods and they definitely didn’t ask me to write this. I’m just a girl, waking up every morning, wondering what the f$%& was going through that unconscious mind of mine.

For example:

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Teeth Falling Out

In the weeks before I started middle school I had this recurring dream where all of my teeth were falling out. And while I thought this was strange, I was also 10 years old, so everything was pretty strange. It wasn’t until I had the same dream in the weeks leading up to high school that I really started to question it, thus leading me to DreamMoods.com. Turns out, dreaming that your teeth are falling out is very common whenever you’re about to make a big transition in your life, which would explain my having it again before I started college, a new internship, a new job and before I moved out of my parents’ house. So if you ever find yourself in the middle of a dream where you’ve accidentally signed up for the NHL dental plan, don’t fret, you’re probably just nervous about that big promotion or the end of your weeklong Netflix binge.

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Topless

A few months back I had this dream where I was just wandering around topless. Just strolling around sans t-shirt like it was the most normal thing in the world. At one point I even went hiking, leaving all inhibition (and bras) behind. Now, being a pretty modest person in the non dream world, you can imagine this was a little surprising to wake up to, though, perhaps not quite as surprising as the supposed meaning: To dream that you are topless signifies your way of showing and exhibiting love. You may be inviting love toward your direction.

Cliff Notes version: Boobs Out = Heart Open.

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Riding a bike up a hill in order find a harmonica at my parents’ house

Take a second to reread the title, then take another second to understand that I’m being 100% serious, now let’s move on. Right, so, this one is a little more difficult to understand because it has a few key elements that stick out.

Firstly, I’m riding a bicycle.

To dream that you are riding a bicycle signifies your desires to attain a balance in your life. You need to balance work and pleasure in order to succeed in your current undertakings.

Okay, okay, makes sense, I’m an anxious person so I’m always looking for balance.

But wait I was riding the bike up a hill, and I can still vividly remember how difficult it was. My legs felt like they weighed 4,000 pounds and the hill seemed the equivalent of Everest.

If you have difficulties riding the bicycle, then it suggests that you are experiencing anxieties about making it on your own.

Oh. Okay, I mean, not quite the upbeat quest for balance it once was, but there’s still truth there.

Now what about the whole reason I was struggling up this hill in the first place: the quest!

To dream that you are searching for something signifies the need to find something that is missing or needed in your life.

….uhhh and that’s a harmonica?

The dream may be analogous to your search for love, spiritual enlightenment, peace or even a solution to a problem.

Oh, okay. But what about the harmonica?

To see or hear a harmonica in your dream suggests that you need to let more joy and pleasure come into your life.

What if I can’t see or hear the harmonica? Does that mean I don’t need any more joy? Do I have too much joy in my life? Is this because of the whole boobs out situation? Because I didn’t really have a say in that. Also, if we review, is this dream seriously suggesting that I’m experiencing anxieties about searching for a key element of my life that is missing, which may or may not be the lack of joy and pleasure?

Is it saying I’m nervous about not finding a lack of joy in my life?!

Oh my gosh, am I the Grinch?

No, wait, even he felt joy through other people’s pain.

AM I MORE DEMENTED THAN THE GRINCH?!

You know what, let’s forget about this one. I’m sure it’s nothing. I probably just fell asleep thinking of the stationary bike at the gym and uhh…had the harmonica on my mind because I listened to Piano Man the other day.

Yeah, that’s it.

It’s all Billy Joel’s fault.

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Necessary Conclusion: DreamMoods.com is great and can provide hours of dream cracking entertainment, but don’t let it ruin your day/life. Please don’t quit your job because you had a dream about a melted ice cream cone, thus causing you to whole-heartedly believe you have failed to realize your true hopes and desires. Truth is, you probably just left a pint of ice cream on the counter and your brain thought of a creative way to remind you. But what do I know, really? I’m just a topless, toothless girl that hates joy and can’t ride a bike up a hill.

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