Kimberlee K.

My favorite cake in the world is celebration cake from Susie Cakes.

Whenever I find myself in front of one, ready to take my first bite, I am so excited, but I am also sad. Why? Because I know that in about five minutes (or less), that piece of cake will be gone. And in a few days, the WHOLE cake will be gone.

You may have heard the phrase, “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Well, sometimes I feel like I am doing both at the exact same time. And sometimes it is while I’m eating cake.

I was reminded of this feeling recently when I was reading a book about tennis. A question was posed to the main character, asking if they liked to win because they enjoyed winning, or because they were afraid not to win.

Thinking bigger, outside the context of cake, I started to wonder what approach I live my life by.

Am I enjoying the things I have because I have them, or because I’m afraid that one day I won’t? Am I being present with all I have right now, or am I already living too far in the future, worried about a time I might not have them?

I often get emotional thinking about the future. We all strive for things in the day to day, and sometimes I get desperate for those goals and dreams to come true, for the waiting period to fast forward so I can be there, in that place I believe is better than here. A place where things are checked off a list and everything is as it should be. But the more I think about being there the more I worry about what won’t be there with me. What things, what people, what comforts and familiarity. I also worry about what will be with me that I don’t have now. New grief, new anxiety, new pain, new struggle.

So I am torn in the present, wondering if I should be striving toward the future or be afraid of it.

But the fact of the matter is, the future is inevitable. Loss is inevitable. The last bite of the last slice of cake is inevitable.

There, that place in the future, it exists, and it looks different than right now. We’ll have gained things and lost things, and while we might be happy there, we might also miss here. So we need to be here while we can. To notice. To enjoy what we have because we are lucky enough to have it right now, not because we’re afraid we might not have it one day.

We need to eat the cake while it’s in front of us, and remember every bite.