Kimberlee K.

A few weeks ago, I was at church and our pastor said something that really stuck out to me.

He said, “Be a thermometer, not a thermostat.”

If you Google the phrase, you’ll find that it has been taught before, in reverse, and often in regards to relationships with other people.

This Forbes article discusses the phrase from Roger Ailes’ book, You Are the Message.

“Be a thermostat and not a thermometer.” In other words, it doesn’t matter what the ‘temperature’ is of the person you’re dealing with—they may well be furious—but you need to remain at 70 degrees and sunny.”

After reading a few articles like this, I went back to my notes from that Sunday to ensure I had it right.

Sure enough, I’d wrote down and underlined: “Be a thermometer, not a thermostat.”

This lesson was not about our relationships with others but rather our tendency to seek control.

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According to Merriam Webster, a thermometer is: an instrument for determining temperature.

And a thermostat is: an automatic device for regulating temperature.

In simpler terms, a thermometer tells you the temperature, while a thermostat controls it.

When you want to know if you have a fever, you take your temperature with a thermometer.

When you want the house to be warmer, you turn up your thermostat.

Said like this, of course we’d all rather be a thermostat.

A thermostat gives you autonomy. It lets you choose your “perfect temperature” and gives you the freedom to bump it up or down a few degrees throughout the day as your preferences may change. Thermostats say, “are you the slightest bit uncomfortable? You can change that.”

Meanwhile, thermometers say, “this is where you’re at, what are you going to do about it?”

Thermometers force you to act, to adapt, to wade right through the discomfort because there’s nothing else you can do about it.

It will always be easier to be a thermostat. To walk into a situation and try to mold it around you and your preferences. To avoid any kind of discomfort or unknown. Thermostats keep you safe, keep you hidden, they mute the outside world and its effects on you as you remain in a bubble of partiality.

But thermometers make you work for it.

Thermometers will tell you to put on an extra layer before you go outside or to bring sunscreen and a hat. Thermometers don’t offer you an easy way out, but instead offer you the opportunity to step outside your comfort zone and figure things out. Thermometers give you the chance to grow, to learn, and to problem solve.

If we strive to be thermometers, we are striving to be stronger, more resilient, and more open to the wonderous unpredictability of the world. As thermometers, we release control, and we allow newness. As thermometers, we accept the truth of a situation, rather than numb it.

The world is full of thermostats, but the world needs more thermometers.

So let go, be brave, and take a step outside your comfort zone.  Search for things the figurative (and literal) temperature of a room can teach you about yourself and what you’re capable of, rather than always trying to change that temperature to what you’re comfortable with.