Kimberlee K.

There is a song on Kacey Mugraves’ second album, Pageant Material, called “Cup of Tea.”

The chorus goes like this:

You can’t be everybody’s cup of tea

Some like it bitter, some like it sweet

Nobody’s everybody’s favorite

So you might as well just make it how you please

I’ve always liked this song. It’s catchy and relaxing and a tiny little anthem to remind you to be yourself. And lately, as I’ve had Kacey’s entire discography on repeat after her latest release, Deeper Well, I’ve heard this song again and again and realized how often I am trying to be everyone’s cup of tea—how long I’ve always tried.

I’ve always wanted to be liked, to be exactly what someone hoped I would be. To get all of their references, to know exactly what to say, to wear something stylish and casual and effortless, to be funny and quiet and enthusiastic and calm and wise and spontaneous and reliable and mysterious. I want to be everything all at once, so I can never let anyone down, never be a burden, never be boring, never be overwhelming, never make a mistake.

The phrase “not my cup of tea” is used to describe something that differs from someone’s preference, standard, or taste, something they simply wouldn’t prefer to drink. I’ve always thought of it as a polite way to express disinterest. It’s saying, “I see what I’m looking at and recognize it as tea, music, dessert, fashion, etc., it’s just not something I relate to, enjoy, or want to eat again.”

It’s not saying, “that is not tea because it’s not made exactly how I want it,” or, “that is NOT music because I don’t enjoy it.”

Which is why I like Kacey’s song.

Because it not only reminds me to make it how you please—in other words, be yourself and like the things you like—but it also reminds me that no matter what kind of “tea” I am—black, green, bitter, sweet, as Kacey lists in the song—I am still tea, still a person. No one’s opinion of me negates that, and thus no one’s rejection of me makes me less of a person or less worthy of love, attention, and support.

The closing lines of the song say:

‘Cause you can’t be everybody’s cup of tea

Why would you want to be?

And if I’m honest, I didn’t used to understand the question at the end.

Why would you want to be? I DO. I want to be everybody’s favorite. I would like to find a way to be everybody’s cup of tea.

But I’ve learned that in order be everyone’s cup of tea, you have to lose part of yourself. You have to be 58 things at once. You have to give up the magic of deeper learning and self-discovery because that lessens your ability to be everything for everyone.

You don’t want to be everyone’s cup of tea because you want to learn what cup of tea you actually are—what cup of tea you were made to be. And you want to be around people who like you, not who you became to impress them.

So, if you need me, I’ll just be over here, seeing which teacup I fit in, and if I’m iced, sweetened, herbal, oolong, or something brand new.