journal

I Ran A Damn Marathon

Two years ago, just after my 27th birthday, I made this list to give myself 30 things to strive for before I turned 30. The very last item on that list, was an ellipses-ed, maybe, kinda, but I don’t know item: Run a Marathon.

I didn’t want to commit to the task, but I also wanted to keep it in mind. I love challenging myself, and I especially love proving I can do things I never would have believed I could, so I put it on the list and let the curiosity fester.

Then, in September of last year, the curiosity bubbled over.

I did some research and I looked up training plans, and I decided to commit to this one, which would have me marathon ready in six months. I would start my training in October, making it so I finished training just before the 2019 LA Marathon.

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The training was tough, and long, and sometimes just plain frustrating, but I got through it, and this past Saturday, as I sat eating my now traditional pre-run pasta dinner, I hoped it had been enough. Then my alarm went off at 4:30 a.m. the next morning, and there was no more wondering, there was no more waiting, it. was. time.

The starting line was at Dodger Stadium and the start time was 6:55 a.m. So after pinning on my bib, jumping around and stretching, and hugging my family goodbye, I got in line, loaded up my playlist, got herded into the corrals, and then…the gun went off.

I was in the zone y’all.

The first mile flew by and when I saw that first mile marker, I lifted my hands up the air, confident, excited and ready. Only 25.2 more to go!

It wasn’t going to be easy. This was a marathon after all, and everyone running that race was running against something that had nothing to do with the course. For me, besides the emotional obstacles of doubt and contemplating my potential insanity and all that fun stuff, I had recently been struggling with the IT band on my right leg.

It began in the last few weeks of training, and though I’d been as diligent as I could to ice it, rest it and pray sweet blessings over it, the muscle still, for lack of a better word, twanged. And unfortunately, after that first strong mile, I felt that twang.

Okay, I thought. We’re okay. We can do this. PLEASE, LORD, HELP. We can do this.

For the next 10 miles or so, I did do it. I powered through. The uphills were tough and the downhills were worse, but I breathed and I focused and I powered through.

We can rest later, I said, talking to my IT band like a person, just keep your shit together for ONE. MORE. DAY.

Thankfully (I guess), by mile 15, the arch of my left foot started to ache, which more or less cancelled out the pain in my leg, giving me a nice, uniform discomfort that was manageable.

And so came mile 16, and then 17, 18 and 19, and just as I approached the mile marker for mile 20, I slapped my hand on a sign being held by a little boy on the sideline that said “tap here for a power up!”

Only 6.2 miles left! I thought. We do this all the time. We got this.

That’s when I hit the wall.

Not a physical, actual wall. No, the infamous, figurative marathon wall. It’s the point when your strength suddenly plummets, the trail suddenly stretches, and time suddenly slows way down.

I came around a corner to the hill that led to the mile 21 marker and I suddenly just felt done.

By this point both of my legs were aching, the bottoms of my feet felt like I was running on broken glass, and my knees were just plain tired of being knees. I stopped running for the first time and I wobbled my way up that hill, feeling as broken and discouraged as I did during my first training run for my very first 5k all those years ago.

Mile 22 wasn’t any easier.

I took turns running and walking, neither one feeling particularly easier than the other, and I stopped making eye contact with fans cheering on the sidelines. What if I can’t make it?

Just then, a text came in from a friend who was tracking my progress online: “Keep it up Kim! Almost there!” I thought briefly about curling into a ball and crying, but instead I decided to start running again. It was a slower pace than I’d kept my first 20 miles, but it was something.

I jogged and I breathed and I tried to stay focused on the songs playing in my headphones, assuming that if self confidence could take me 80% of the way, an up-tempo song with some inspiring attitude could take me the other 20.

Then I saw mile 23. And 24. And then, finally, mile 25.

“Only one mile left!!” someone on the sidelines yelled into a megaphone.

I took a deep breath and I buckled down. My entire body hurt but I didn’t care. I could f*cking do this and I was going to prove it.

I came down the last hill and saw the ocean, and then the road wrapped around and there was the finish line. It was a straight shot. A far, long, seemingly ENDLESS straight shot. But it was there, and each step got me closer, until suddenly my feet were on the final platform and the finish line was moving into my rearview.

I had done it. I RAN A DAMN MARATHON. And the moment I saw my family and they ran out from behind the sideline to give me a hug, I burst into tears.

This was undoubtedly the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it was also the most rewarding. At the end of mile 20, as I came around the corner under an overpass and looked ahead at the mile 21 marker at the top of the hill, I wanted to quit.

There’s just no way I can make it. I’m in over my head. I can’t do this.

But the moment those words crossed my mind, I was determined to shut them out. To prove them wrong. So I took this picture:

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I wanted to remember this spot. This moment when I could have let doubt and discouragement win. So that when I crossed that finish line, when I got my medal and my free banana, I could always remember that I kept going. That instead of quitting, I went 5 more miles.

We can do anything we put our mind to.

Go the extra five miles. You can do it.

200 Day Time Capsule Blog #3

Hello, fellow survivors of the future. We’ve once again made it through another 200 days, and this time (at least for me) they’ve flown by!

I was genuinely shocked when I saw an email ~*from the past*~ sitting in my inbox this past Tuesday. I had totally forgot, which made it that much more exciting.

If you have no idea what I’m talking about, check out this post, which talks about the first time capsule blog I did, and gives you information on how you can join in.

For now, let’s see what past Kim was up to back in August.

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1) What day is it?

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): Wednesday August 29, 2018

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2) What’s the weather like outside?

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): It’s been really nice the last couple of days. The summer is slightly giving way, so the temps stay around the high 80’s during the day and then dip into the high 60’s at night which is exciting! I honestly can’t wait until fall. I’ve been looking at my sweaters longingly and I can’t wait cozy up.

Note to past Kim: You had absolutely no idea of the fall/winter that was in store you for and the rest of the country, girl. PEOPLES’ HAIR FROZE. IT WAS UNSAFE TO BREATHE OUTSIDE. Things were nuts. Soak this upcoming spring and summer IN. Who knows what’s in store next year. 

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3) What did you do today?

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): So far today all I’ve done is work. We are currently going through an audit and even though I’m not a big part of it, it still makes me nervous. I hope everything is going good! Later today, I have plans on going to the gym and running on the treadmill. And while it’s not set in stone yet, I’ve been considering picking back up on the running and trying to complete a marathon next year. It’s a daunting thought, but I really think I want to go for it. I guess we’ll see what happens.

Note to past Kim: This one actually gave me chills because we DID sign up and train for a marathon and it’s THIS SUNDAY. Can you even believe that? You are such a badass. 

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4) What’s your favorite song right now?

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): Honestly I have a couple favorites right now, so I would say it’s between: “You Should See Me in a Crown” by Billie Eilish, “Live a Little” by Fool and “Breathin'” by Ariana Grande.

Note to past Kim: Still true. Still jammin’.

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5) What’s the most recent movie you’ve seen?

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): Just yesterday I drove over to the Burbank Town Center after work to see Skate Kitchen, which I loved. It’s an indie movie that one review described as “Lady Bird with skateboards” which is honestly pretty accurate and probably part of the reason why I loved it so much. It was one of those movies that made me think, which made me want to write stories that make people think.

Note to past Kim: Keep writing those stories, girl. You’ve got good ones in you. Give them the time to come out. 

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6) Who did you text last and what did you say?

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): I texted my sister asking which celebrities I should use for the “Where’s the Groom?” game I’m putting together for my soon to be (official) cousin Amanda’s bridal shower in September. I’m already excited to read this letter in the future because it means that the wedding finally came and I can’t wait to know how fun it was.

Note to past Kim: Good news, the wedding was everything and more. My feet might still be a little sore from all the dancing we did that night.

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7) What is your biggest goal right now?

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): To keep moving forward. I have this feeling in my gut that I’m right around the corner from something. I don’t know what it is or if it’s going to involve my personal or professional life or both, but I feel like I’m right on the cusp of something, so my goal is to keep working towards it.

Note to past Kim: Good news: We still have that feeling, meaning there’s gotta be something truly great around that corner. Bad news: We still have that feeling, meaning we haven’t come around that corner just yet, but we’re hangin’ in there!

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8) What are you most excited about?

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): Cory and Amanda’s wedding. Hands down.

Note to current Cory & Amanda: Your wedding was everything and more! 🙂

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9) What are you most worried about?

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): In one part of my brain I’m worried that I’m not doing anything with my life and that I’m just wandering around with no idea where I’m supposed to be. And then the rest of my brain is worried about mostly everything else. So to be honest, my answer would be: most things. *nervous smile and shrug*

Note to past Kim: Is there a way to send a hug to your past self? Or should I just hug us now? Let’s just give hugs all around. We’re doing our best. We’re figuring it out.  

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10) Tell yourself a really bad joke.

My answer from the last time capsule (8/29/18): I can’t think of a joke at the moment, but hey, future Kim, if you’re having a down day, go rewatch Demetri Martin’s new (though I guess it won’t be new in the future) standup special. It will make you smile, I promise.

Note to past Kim: Thanks, girl. PS- future you has gotten real comfortable talking to yourself via blog. Some might say too comfortable, but we say it’s just right. 

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You can check out this page to see the growing archive of all of my time capsule answers. And don’t forget to check out this post to find out how you can create your own time capsule.

Our next delivery date is: October 7th, 2019

Until then, have a wonderful day and I’ll see you in the future!

 


 

Check out the previous 200 Day Time Capsule Blog here.

A Weekend at Spring Training

If you’ve been reading my blog for a little while, you probably know that I’m a big baseball fan. My whole life I’ve grown up watching the Dodgers and two years ago I crossed a major goal off my bucket list by attending my first ever World Series game at Dodger Stadium.

This year, my family and I decided it was time to cross another item off the list: Spring Training! And so this past weekend, we did just that.

On Friday morning, as my normal work alarm went off, I (for once) didn’t hit snooze. I popped out of bed and finished packing my suitcase, ready to be out the door as soon as possible. My sister Natalee and I had a quick flight to Phoenix , so naturally I slept through almost the entire thing, giving me a nap that would come in handy later.

Upon landing, we met up with our friend Cody, whose parents, Darryl and DeeDee, had spent the first half of the week in Arizona with our parents, and Mel, who’d flown in from Utah. While our parents looked relaxed, slightly sunburned and well slept, the four of us all looked a little worn out and so relieved to be on vacation we had no idea where to start. Lucky for us, our vacation didn’t waste any time. Once we were all unpacked at our Airbnb, we grabbed some jackets and headed to our first game of the weekend.

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Natalee, Mel, Cody and I had tickets on the outfield grass, so once we got to Camelback Ranch, we just had to pick a plot and roll out our towels. Next, we raided the food court, where we were reminded that hot dogs at a baseball game, no matter where you are, will always be delicious, while Shocktop in a can is not. shrug_emoji-modifier-fitzpatrick-type-4_1f937-1f3fd_1f3fd

Natalee and Mel both brought their gloves with them, and Mel had her eye on getting a ball from one of the players. At the start of every inning, she stood up against the outfield fence, waiting patiently for the outfielders to finish warming up before she waved her glove in the air. This proved to be no easy task however, as each inning she was forced to field off crazed children who were willing to go full Lord of the Flies for these balls, often climbing the chain link, body sliding across the grass, and literally putting their glove inside your glove in order to catch a ball.

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But while most kids went home with nothing more than grass stains and a little bit of shame, Mel persevered, catching a ball from an outfielder on the opposing team (shout out to Heath) causing our entire group to erupt in cheers even though the Dodgers were only a few outs from losing the game.

The next morning, after unexpectedly staying up until two in the morning talking, playing card games, and laughing so hard I woke up with an ab, our group pulled back on our hats and made an early start back to Camelback Ranch.

While the game wasn’t until 1:05 p.m., we wanted to try and see the Dodgers (and the Mariners, Darryl, DeeDee, and Cody are from Seattle) practice before the game. We also wanted to get a chance to fully explore our culinary options. The night before, Mel and I had browsed the Food Map (the best kind of map) provided in the program, and all but drooled when we read about the BBQ Macaroni and Cheese helmets.

Wow.

Even now, just typing it out. Reliving it. What an absolute blessing.

I promise you it was as good as it sounds.

Our group also tried the bacon wrapped sausages from the right field grill, and just about every beer available at the park. My favorite was the Four Peaks Peach Ale.

After the game (which the Dodger’s won smiling-face-with-open-mouth-and-smiling-eyes_1f604) we headed to dinner at Salt. As it happened, the Los Angeles Kings, our favorite hockey team, were in town to play the Arizona Coyotes, and being the sports fans we are, we decided to go FULL SPORTS—this may not be the ideal vacation for some, but for us, it was heaven.

PSA: if you commit to a FULL SPORTS vacation, you may or may not find yourself staying up until three o’clock in the morning dancing, practicing proper diving form, doing yoga and attempting other various athletic feats—be sure to properly stretch.

The next day we had tickets to a Mariners game at the Peoria Sports Complex. And while my loyalty to the Dodgers will never falter, I’ve got to say: Peoria might have a slight edge on Camelback.

DON’T COME FOR ME.

Not only are the food options off the charts (loaded tots, funnel cakes, deep fried Oreos!!) the outfield has tons of kid friendly activities (meaning less Lord of the Flies antics in the outfield), and down the first baseline there is a “Craft Beer Courtyard” (which is actually just a booth) where for $20 you receive four tickets that you can cash in for beer, wine or liquor. Between Mel, Natalee, Cody and I, we bought two entry tickets, giving us eight drinks to split, which was essentially my dream because I got to try a little bit of everything.

As beautiful as the day was however, and as delicious as all the beer we drank and all the food we ate was, we couldn’t quite transfer all that goodness to the Mariners (we were fans for the day against the Indians) who ended up losing the game 16-3. Sorry, M’s.

From the game we headed somewhere completely random, somewhere you’d never expect us to go when you consider the weekend we’d had thus far. That’s right folks, we went to Top Golf, where we added our final explanation point in SPORTS!!!

Pro Tip: order (at least) one of the big sweet drinks in the souvenir cups, it only makes golfing more fun. 

Once we got back home, we did what anyone does when they realize a good trip is coming to an end: we found excuses to stay up late, even though we had early wake up calls, because it seemed like the only way to make the trip last a little bit longer. But even when mine and Natalee’s alarms went off a mere three hours after our heads hit our pillows and we knew we officially had to say goodbye to this one, as we walked down the jet bridge to our plane home, we already started counting down the days until our next one.

January/February Favorites

Have we finally made it to March?!

Didn’t it seem like February lasted forever?

Or is it just me?

Either way, I’m excited we’re finally here. It means we’re one step closer to spring, baseball season, a general thawing of my limbs. Let’s just say, I’ve been looking forward to March and it has taken its sweet time to get here. However, there have been a handful of things that made the wait a little more bearable:

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Podcasts

Y’ALL. Whether you are a regular podcast listener or have never listened to a single minute of one, I promise you will get sucked into the chaos of Dr. Death. While I’ve recommended it to pretty much everyone, I consistently have a hard time truly explaining it. To give you the bullet points: it follows the story of a man who may or may not be IS DEFINITELY a sociopath, and also happens to be the worst neurosurgeon ever. The. Things. That. He. Did. Oh. My. Gosh. Listen. (find it here)

On completely different level, Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet just makes me laugh. In each episode the brother and sister duo pick a theme such as “libraries in Los Angeles” and then do dramatic readings of the most ridiculous one-star reviews they can find. I laugh every episode. (find it here)

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Movies

If you watched the Oscars, you might have seen Free Solo win Best Documentary which, after seeing it, I can officially say it 1000% deserved. It follows professional climber Alex Honnold as he sets out to free solo (a.k.a climb with no ropes) El Capitan. You know, the casual 3,000 foot rock in the heart of Yosemite Valley. The cinematography is just out of this world, as is the stress you feel while watching. (find it here)

Since my brother is a rock climber, both Free Solo and The Dawn Wall are high on his recommended list, so the other night he came over and we watched both. I’d like to say this one is less stressful, but it’s not. You are immediately captivated by the spirit of climber Tommy Caldwell as he sets out to climb “The Dawn Wall” a section of El Capitan that has never been climbed before. I tell ya, these guys will inspire the heck out of you, but they also might very well give you an ulcer. (find it on here)

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GU Energy Gels

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For the past few months I’ve been training for the LA Marathon and I have absolutely no idea what I would do without these on my longer runs. They are super lightweight so I can keep them in my pockets, and they give me just the energy boost I need to keep running. Not to mention, every flavor I’ve tried is delicious! Highly recommend! (find them here)

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Books

Little Fires Everywhere follows a mother, Mia, and her daughter, Pearl, in their move to Shaker Heights, Ohio, and their introduction to the Richardson family, which has a whole series of repercussions. It’s the kind of story that moves slow but has you hooked the whole time. I loved it! (find it here)

The Tattooist of Auschwitz gives such a unique perspective of real life Holocaust survivor Lale Sokolov, who spent most of his time in the concentration camps working as a tattooist, giving other prisoners their identification numbers upon entering. Lale falls in love with a fellow prisoner and the book follows their journey throughout their imprisonment and afterward. (find it here)

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Music

In the music world, it has been a series of badass ladies that have stolen my heart over the last couple of months. These are a few of my favorites, with the ever colorful adjectives iTunes uses to describe them

thank u, next by Ariana Grande: “This album doesn’t arrive a minute too soon. As Grande wrestles with what she wants—distance and affection, anonymity and star power, and sex without strings attached—we learn more and more about the woman she’s becoming: complex, independent, tenacious, flawed.”

Heard it in a Past Life by Maggie Rogers: “A thoughtfully sewn patchwork of anthemic synth-pop, brooding acoustic folk, and soft-lit electronica.

Inner Monologue Pt. 1 – EP by Julia Michaels: “In her second solo EP, Julia Michaels dives further into the messy space between logic and love. By tangling clashing emotions together, she captures the profound thing that’s so perplexing about being in love: it’s complicated.”

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Have anything you’ve been loving over these last couple months? Let me know! My Amazon cart is always open…

See my previous favorites post here.

A Reminder from Awards Season: Try

Fun fact about me: I LOVE awards season.

The Emmys. The Grammys. The Oscars.

I’m here for it all.

I love seeing deserving people get recognized and dreams coming true. And I love listening to the speeches of ordinary people, just like you and me, proving that big dreams are not crazy and pursued passions do not go unrewarded.

Last night was no exception.

As I sat there watching the Oscars, listening to so many winners—especially first time winners—remind the dreamers at home who might be thinking I could never, that you can, I felt that familiar tinge of inspiration.

It’s not crazy to try.

It is never ever crazy to dream.

Because it can be you.

Whatever the equivalent of that Oscar stage is in your dream, it can be you standing up there. It can be you accepting that award and paying it forward to everyone at home thinking they never could.

So don’t be afraid to soak up the inspiration. And don’t count yourself out of conversations about someday. There is no dream you don’t deserve.

Try.

5 Skills You Didn’t Realize Were Skills

Have you ever had a day where you feel like you aren’t good at anything? Like you have no skills worthy of ribbons or awards or even a gasp of awed recognition? Like maybe you can’t even open a door correctly?

I have those days. I think we all do. And why wouldn’t we when there are singers and actors and athletes and those balloon animal artists that walk around restaurants doing their thing, making you think man, I wish I could do that.

The good news is, we can do things, my friends. In fact, we do amazing things all the time without even noticing them.

For example:

1) Carrying Laundry

Do you remember when you were little and your mom would ask you to get the laundry out of the dryer, and how when you pulled it out a towel wrapped around your legs and tripped you and then you dropped a sock and bent down to pick it up, only to drop another one and then another one, until eventually there was more laundry on the floor than in your hands and so you threw it all down in frustration? Just look at how far we’ve come. Now we know exactly how to angle our body; curving our arms and arching our back to ensure that no piece of clothing is left behind.

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2) Driving

For this one, I know we obviously spent time intentionally learning this skill. But I just felt it was necessary to mention it because it is kind of crazy that we casually operate two ton vehicles on a daily basis. Most of the time while listening to music, eating, and trying to do our eye makeup in the mirror on the way to work.

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3) Technology

When I was in 5th grade, my family had a white landline telephone that had huge blue buttons and a speakerphone, which I thought was THE COOLEST. Then when I was in 7th grade, my mom got the first cellphone in our house, which had an antenna that you pulled out of the top, which I also thought was THE COOLEST. And now I have an iPhone a.k.a a tiny, portable computer, that I get angry at when the AirDrop feature can’t receive pictures from other iPhones in the blink of an eye, or when the Bluetooth doesn’t sync to a portable speaker or when the Wifi I’m connected to won’t stream movies and television shows. WHAT EVEN IS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN?! When did we learn what all of this was—let alone how to work it all?! Our fifth grade selves would be freaking out.

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4) Cracking our bones

This one goes out to all of our younger selves who only woke up sore when we accidentally fell asleep with our head propped up against a wall with one leg tucked under us and the other one stretched out in mid side-split. Now we wake up, lean forward, twist our legs to the side, point an arm at a specific part of the ceiling and roll our head back along our shoulders, knowing that afterwards, our bodies will be ready (ish) for the day.

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5) People

It’s a part of growing up to learn the way other people work and to be able to identify whether they are worth our time or not. And while there are always going to be times when we are blindsided by an undercover a-hole, it’s still worth mentioning how far we’ve come in the people department. All that advice we can give our friends? It comes from years of learning, sometimes—at least I like to believe—for the very serendipitous reason to tell that friend exactly what they need to hear in that moment.

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These are only five things, y’all.

FIVE.

I know—or at least I assume—that you thought of more while you were reading this. Like hey, you’re right, Kim, I hadn’t even realized how fast I can put my hair in a ponytail. Or that I know the exact amount of meats, cheeses and veggies are required to make the perfect sandwich. Or that I know how to twist, lift and shove that closet door open, even when I’m in a time crunch and don’t have a second to spare.

Sure, it’s silly stuff. But the point of all of this is to remember that we’re all learning, every day, and we’re all growing. Even though it might not feel like it, we are figuring this life thing out piece by piece, in our own way.

Plus, we can’t all be out there making scarily accurate balloon versions of Disney princesses. That would be chaos.

Look Up and Look Around

I am currently training for the LA marathon. This means that three times a week I’m outside running, telling my body that all the pain and exhaustion will be worth it when we get that medal at the finish line—and the free banana shortly afterward.

This past Saturday I ran 17.5 miles, the second longest run in my entire training plan. (The longest being 20) For the first 13 miles or so, I was doing pretty well. My legs, while tired, still had some juice in them and I was determined to check this milestone off my list. But as I started those last four miles, it seemed like each step got harder and harder. My knees began to ache and my ankles threatened to quit on me. This was the longest I had ever run in my entire life, and to know that even when (or if) I finished, come marathon day I’d have to come up with the strength to run nine more miles—a marathon is 26.2 miles—my body was just about ready to call it.

Around mile 16 or so, my mind was really starting to get shaky and my legs were even worse. Continuing to run almost felt like punishment, but I knew quitting would feel far worse. That’s when I hit a red light and had to pace around the sidewalk—legs wobbly as ever—while I waited for my signal to continue. I put my hands on my head and took some deep breaths, hoping to relieve some of the stiffness in my back, and then I looked up. The sky was a piercing blue with big, beautiful, puffy clouds. I watched them swirl around above me, and it gave me a warm feeling in my stomach.

When the light turned green and I started running again, I focused on the clouds, and for a little while my knees didn’t ache as much and my feet didn’t sting; my back felt looser and my legs felt a tiny bit stronger.

By the time I made it back to my house however, I was sure my legs were going to fall right out from under me. I walked through the door like a baby giraffe and stumbled my way through a shower and the making of my usual after-run protein shake.

My body was spent.

But even as I limped around for the rest of that day and the next, I still thought about that patch of sky. While it hadn’t taken away the pain I was feeling, it reminded me that it wasn’t the only thing that day—that moment—had to offer.

There are many instances in which I’ve let a dark time or a difficult situation block out all the light around me. Sometimes it’s hard to remember there’s a blue sky up there. Especially when so many other days are grey, cloudy and rainy.

But alas, there are always good things. There is always something just out of your line of sight that is there to give you hope and inspiration. There is always something to push you that last mile.

In the next month, I’m sure I’ll spend more than a few days wondering, what the hell am I doing? Namely when I pass the 20-mile mark at the marathon and have to run SIX. MORE. MILES. But I’m going to take that patch of blue sky with me through the whole race and the days, months and years that follow. I’m going to look up, even when my head wants to hang down, and I’m going to look around, even when it seems safer to keep my eyes forward. Because as sure as there will be dark, there will also be light, and I’m going to try harder to find it. Even when it feels like my knees might spontaneously combust—or you know, the day to day life equivalent to that feeling.

10 Mottos I Live By

At the beginning of a new year it’s easy to catch the inspirational bug and set goals, make changes, book vacations—anything that can help you make the next 12 months bigger and better than the last.

I jump on this train. Come January I always make a list of goals I hope to accomplish in the next year and I’m usually on the hunt for upcoming concerts and weekend getaways I can add to my calendar before the days start filling up and flying by.

For me, when the holidays are long over and I’m back in the regular swing of things, I tend to let the inspiration fade and the stress, discouragement and exhaustion of the day to day take over.

One thing that helps me combat that however, is latching onto mottos and inspirational words that I can use as weapons, shields, and fuel to propel me forward.

So, if you’re someone like me who sometimes needs that extra something to lean on, I collected a few of my favorite mottos, all of which I’ve reached for at one time or another. I hope they can give you the boost of inspiration or comfort or whatever you might be needing, and that they can encourage you to always strive for the bigger and better, no matter what time of year it is.

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1) “Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.” – Rachel Hollis

What it means to me: Stop wasting time worrying about what other people will think of you and everything you might do or think about doing. People are going to judge you whether you live your life your way or their way, so you might as well live it your way.

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2) “Have courage and be kind.” – Cinderella

What it means to me: When things get overwhelming, go back to the basics. Be brave and be nice and something good will form on the horizon.

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3) “If you’re going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

What it means to me: There is always going to be goodness in the world, so no matter how dark things look, if you keep moving forward, you will find the light again.

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4) “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

What it means to me: You are important. You matter. And while sometimes people won’t see that, won’t appreciate that and will hurt you, it is your choice what to do with that hurt. You do not have to dim yourself because someone else can’t see your light.

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5) “It’s not time to worry yet.” – To Kill a Mockingbird

What it means to me: I wrote a whole blog post on this one.

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6) “Today is the only day. Yesterday is gone.” – John Wooden

What it means to me: Your past shaped you, but it is not where you are. Be here, in the day you have been given today, because all the days before this one are already over and you can’t change them.

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7) “Do no harm, take no shit.” – Yoga Girl

What it means to me: Don’t walk on people and don’t let them walk on you.

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8) “You are never to old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” – C.S. Lewis

What it means to me: It is never too late to try something new. You are allowed to dream more than one dream, and you’re allowed to dream a dream completely and totally different than everyone else’s.

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9) “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.” – Dolly Parton

What it means to me: Don’t wait for someone to tell you who you are, or keep your fingers crossed that the answer might fall into your lap. Learn about yourself. Passionately. Figure out who you are, what you love, what you hope to do with your life and do it without regret.

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10) “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.” – George Addair

What it means to me: Fear is a door, not a wall. If you have the courage to push through it, it is an opportunity to take you somewhere and give you something you’ve never had before.

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Do you have any mottos you live by?

10 Things I Wasn’t Doing 10 Years Ago

If you are even a minor participant in the social media universe, you have probably seen the recent #10YearChallenge trend going around where people post one photo of themselves from 2009 and one from 2019 to see how much they have changed.

I have not participated, both out of pure laziness and the fact that I have looked exactly the same since birth. If you think I’m being dramatic, please refer to the woman who recently recognized me from Kindergarten because I “look exactly the same!”

While my face may look the same however, there is still a lot that has changed. And so in order to slightly participate, I thought I’d look at the non-physical changes that 10 years has brought me.

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1) Living on my Own

While still living with my parents 10 years ago, I assumed moving out would be just like Friends—we all thought that, right? And since I commuted to college classes from home, I didn’t have any reason to believe it would be anything otherwise. A few years later however, I would study abroad in Australia for five months and I’d learn a lot about living away from home, namely that it can be just like Friends—minus the huge apartment in New York for dirt cheap rent thing—if you live with the right people. Today I live with two great roommates whom I love and adore, and though I might be bias, I firmly believe we’d make a great cast of our own sitcom.

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2) Paying Rent

Ahh yes, the only downside of living on your own are all the bills that come with it. 10 years ago I was spending all of my money on concerts, dessert, and shoes that I was probably never going to wear but thought I should buy just in case. Today I have student loan payments, bills and rent due every month. I’ve learned how to manage my money and don’t make nearly as many impulse shoe purchases, though I never say no to a good dessert splurge.

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3) Running

If you followed any of my 1000-mile running journey last year, you might know that for most of my life I was not a runner. I was thoroughly convinced that I didn’t have the lung capacity to do it, when in reality I just didn’t have the patience or motivation to actually give it a fair shot. Today I am in my fourth month of training for the LA marathon—a sentence that is slightly jarring to write—and I consider running to be one of my favorite kinds of exercise.

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4) Cooking

Ten years ago, I was very much afraid of cooking. Growing up, I had a series of mishaps in the kitchen and so I buried my fear of continued failure underneath a solid layer of self-deprecation. I was constantly bringing up the time I set the oven mitt on fire on Thanksgiving, telling people I couldn’t be trusted in the kitchen. After I moved out on my own however, I had to learn how to cook because I like eating and the survival benefits that come with it. Today I cook myself dinner almost every single night and I even have a series on my blog where I share cooking tips and recipes I’ve been loving recently.

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5) Blow-Drying My Hair

19 year old me would be SHOCKED to find out that 28 year old me not only owns a blow dryer, but also uses it on a daily basis. I’ve always had thick, brown hair that has a mind of its own, and until I cut 13 inches off about three years ago, I always let it air dry with a little bit of mousse, before eventually braiding it or putting it up in a bun. Today I almost always blow-dry my hair and I even—dare I say it—like how it looks. Oh, 19-year-old Kim, we could have never imagined such a hair-acle. (Hair miracle. I’m making it a thing.)

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6) Reading

If I were to venture a guess, I’d say I probably read about three books in 2009 and that’s a high estimate. Growing up, I hated reading books, especially those assigned in school. These days I am always reading a book, usually more than one at a time, and I even made it a goal of mine before I turn 30 to read every book on Time’s list of the 100 greatest books of all time—which are essentially all the school assigned books I avoided back then. Go figure.

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7) Going it Alone

While I’ve always been a shy person, I used to blatantly hide out from the world behind friends, family, television and movies. I would never even think about trying something new if I didn’t have someone by my side at all times. Today I go to museums on my own, I see movies on my own, I volunteer on my own. In general, I’ve realized that I am fully capable of taking on the world on my own. That doesn’t mean I don’t like having friends and family by my side, but that I feel confident either way.

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8) Blogging

While it doesn’t feel like I’ve been blogging for ten years, it’s weird to think of a time before my blog. I mean, where was I putting all of those thoughts that were running around my head? They’ve always been there, so what the heck was I doing with them back then?!

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9) Getting Published

In 2009, I was just starting to realize that writing felt good, but I didn’t have any plans to show my work to other people, let alone submit it for publication. As of today however, I have been published almost 20 times, both online and in print, and have been paid for my writing.

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10) Being Myself

When I look back at photos and videos of me in 2009, I can almost feel how uncomfortable I was in my own skin. Sure, I was just out of high school with absolutely nothing figured out, as we all are, but the insecurities are almost palpable. That’s not to say I won’t feel the exact same way in ten years when I look back at my 2019 self and all the insecurities she’s desperately trying to hide, but I can confidently say that I’ve come a long way. In the past 10 years I’ve learned A LOT about myself and how I fit into the world and I can only hope I keep learning as the years go on.

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I think the most important thing we can all take away from the 10 Year Challenge, whether you participate or not, is that we are still here. Each day, each year we are changing and learning and trying our best, and all that matters is that we keep trying our best.

A lot can happen in 10 years. Let’s hope we all have (at least) ten more.

TBTS (Throwback Thursday Stories): That Time I Almost Died after Watching The Bachelorette

I know a lot of stories start with the old, “it was just your average day,” but believe me when I say this really was just an average day. I did exactly what I would do every other weekday: got up, went to work, counted the minutes until lunch, planned all the productive things I would do once I got home, and then got home and sat on the couch.

For dinner, I decided to try a recipe for Fettuccine Alfredo I found online and while I ate I sat at the table exchanging stories with my sister about our respective Tuesdays. She told me about an upcoming exam, I told her about a customer at work, and we made predictions about that night’s upcoming episode of Jojo Fletcher’s season of The Bachelorette.

At one point in the conversation, she paused.

“Mom says we need to throw out our flour,” she said, looking at her phone.

“Why?”

“I guess some people are having issues with E-coli.”

“Yikes.”

I walked into the kitchen and snatched the half empty bag of flour from the top shelf of the pantry and dropped it into the trash. Better safe than sorry.

Now, if you’ve ever watched an episode of The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise, you’ll know that alcohol is almost necessary to make it through the two-hour broadcast. So when my sister stood up a few minutes after we started and said, “I need some whiskey,” I wasn’t surprised. Though when she said, “do you want some?” and I said, “Yes!” I think we both should have sensed* that it was the beginning of the end.

*Let it be noted that my sister is an avid whiskey drinker. The kind that really appreciates the spirit for all it’s worth…and doesn’t chug it down the way I do with a glass of wine while watching this ridiculous television show.

So there we were, an hour into the episode, shoulder deep in awkward silences and painfully stilted small talk. I was on my second (or third?) glass of whiskey, cringing my skin off and talking a little louder than usual, when all of a sudden a sip hit my stomach and the warning sirens went off.

YOU DONE DID IT NOW, GIRL.

“I need to pee,” I said, panicked.

I got up, my body feeling like it was 4000 pounds, the bathroom feeling like it was four miles away, and the ground feeling as stable as a tightrope during an earthquake. When I finally sat down on the toilet, I wondered if I’d ever get back up, which made me emotional and I cried a little. Then I remembered I had to pee, which reminded me I’d have to get up afterward and the cycle went on and on. All in all, I thought I was in there for about 45 minutes, but when I got back to the living room I realized it had been only been around four.

I waddled into the kitchen and grabbed my water bottle, praying I could chug my way to safety, then waddled back to my seat in the living room.

“Ready?” my sister asked.

“Yup.”

After that, I can remember very little of what happened during the episode and even less of what my sister and I may have talked about. In somewhat miraculous fashion however, I was able to maintain a sober-enough composure to not only convince my sister I was fine before she went to bed, but also make it up 10 stairs to my bedroom. Unfortunately, this would be my last accomplishment worth celebrating for the night.

Upon arriving to my bed, I knew something was wrong. While it was a hot summer night, I felt like I was sweating far more than usual. I cranked the fan up to high and stripped down to my underwear, then turned off the light in the hopes that I could crash fast and sleep it off.

No such luck.

The moment I closed my eyes, I felt like the room was spinning one way and I was spinning the other. I opened my eyes, wondering if I was on the ceiling or the floor, then turned the light on to see if focusing on something would help. When this didn’t work, I tried taking deep breaths and when this didn’t work, I slumped into the bathroom, accepting my doom.

Over the next two hours, I threw up 11 times.

ELEVEN.

Around the fifth time, as I lay my face against the toilet seat, working my way through every prayer and promise I could think of to try and make it all stop, I thought of the text my mom sent earlier…and then of the flour I’d added to the blender to make my Alfredo sauce.

I closed my eyes and spun and then I opened them and the drunk tears came pouring out.

“I’m dying,” I said out loud to myself, “I have E-coli and I’m dying.”

I thought about calling for my sister and telling her to call 911—and to start taking down the notes for my last will and testament—but I couldn’t move. When I tried to, I threw up.

To make matters worse, the next time I opened my eyes and looked down in the toilet, everything was bright red.

Is—is that…blood?

It wasn’t blood.

It was Fruit Punch Crystal Light, which I’d mixed in with my water that afternoon—the same water I started chugging after my (first) emotional trip to the bathroom when I realized I’d passed the point of no return. I would figure this out around the tenth time I threw up but until then I would give an Academy Award worthy performance of pathetic.

I collapsed, face first, onto the toilet seat and I cried. I thought of my family and how I’d let them down by not keeping myself up to date with current food safety alerts. I thought of Gold Medal Flour and how my parents would surely Erin Brockovich their way to a settlement for my untimely demise. I thought of the future children I’d never have and of all the mourning faces present at my funeral. I hoped they served cake at the reception, and then I threw up thinking about it.

Eventually I fell asleep. And with my knees on the tile, my head on the toilet seat, and the bowl full of whiskey and Crystal light, I definitely must have looked dead. And sad. And PSA worthy.

Yes, that Tuesday night I was the don’t end up like this girl, girl.

The next morning, when my work alarm went off at 6:30 a.m., I opened my eyes to the memories of what had occurred merely hours previous. I had a lot of thoughts rushing around, most of which were curse words, and I wobbled back into the bathroom to brush my teeth, wash my face and kick off another “average” day.

When I got to work, I googled the E. Coli outbreak and discovered that it didn’t apply to our flour, so I lay my head on my desk, hungover and ashamed.

I hadn’t eaten contaminated flour.

I hadn’t thrown up blood.

I’d just gotten drunk on whiskey and secondhand cringe and I’d paid the price.

Eleven times.

Needless to say, I now drink wine when I watch The Bachelorette—or, currently, The Bachelor—and during those particularly hard episodes, I color.

We live and we learn.