Today is my birthday!
Fun fact: I don’t love my birthday!
Not because I don’t like celebrating another year of being alive, but because I don’t like the attention.
I feel more self-conscious on my birthday than any other day because it’s home to the most surprises, and I hate surprises even more than I hate my birthday because I’m always afraid my reaction will be the wrong reaction, and everyone will be disappointed. But that’s a story for another time.
I am trying to get better at loving my birthday. To find ways I want to celebrate it in order to make it feel special and not be a day I dread each year. I love being alive and I appreciate the opportunity to grow and learn more about myself and the world—and isn’t that what birthdays are all about? The chance to celebrate the years you’ve lived and toast to the year to come.
While thinking about my birthday this year, I decided to think about where I am at 33, so that I might appreciate this place and all the things I have because I know I’ll miss them when they’re gone. When this year is gone. When this birthday is one that I only kind of remember because it’s blurred into the (hopefully) many many that followed.
Today I am 33 and…
I live in an apartment I love.
I have five plants that are alive and thriving.
I am going to be an aunt soon!
I am not perfect but I’m realizing that is not the goal.
I am more proud of my writing than ever before.
I occasionally pluck a grey hair out of my head (gasp.)
I am actually making progress at being kinder to myself.
I want to get better at makeup.
I love going on hikes.
I think I’m hilarious.
I am getting more comfortable in silence (i.e., I don’t always feel pressure to fill it if I don’t have anything to say.)
I am healthy.
I like the freckles on my arms and legs.
I am making plans to cross things off my bucket list, even if it takes a little patience.
I have people in my life that make me feel safe and seen.
My favorite dessert right now is vanilla ice cream with crumbled golden Oreos and white chocolate chips.
I am learning that becoming myself is not by getting better at the same things as everyone else but accepting the things that make me me.
I love bookstores and hope to one day find a book I write on a shelf.
I have a car that runs and enough money to pay rent and buy groceries.
I am 33 and I am trying my best.
I am 33 and if I’m lucky, I’ll get the chance to be 34.
Kimberlee K. 
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